28 Reasons Why Dating Is The Most Awkward Thing On The Planet
You're meeting someone you don't know very well to see if you want to have sex with each other. ARRGHHHHH.
Meeting new people is awkward enough anyway.
Meeting people you want to bone is approximately 100X more awkward.
First of all you have to find someone you want to date, who also wants to date you, who is single, and preferably geographically near you.
If you meet people through friends there will be an avalanche of gossip with your every move.
Dating someone from work just carries so many risks.
You could try online dating, but then you have to think of an original opening line that's going to make people want to bang you.
You could just go up to random hotties on the street, but then you'd be a total creepy weirdo.
How do you even figure out if someone likes you?
You can't possibly ask – that is just not how it's done.
You have to flirt subtly until you suss out the probability that they like you back.
And how the hell do you flirt anyway?
How do you know whether the flirting has been successful or not?
At some point you have to deliver the closing line. The line that's going to get you the date.
So you got their number, and there is a chance that they are at least considering dating you. What the hell are you meant to say to them now?
Once you have finally persuaded someone to go on a date with you, you then have to find a date and time that you're both free, which is usually impossible.
OK, you got a date! Rejoice! The hardest part is over. WRONG! What the hell are you going to wear?
Whatever you wear, you will feel either over or underdressed.
What do people talk about on dates?
What do people do on dates?
If you decide to eat, you have to eat in a way that will make someone want to bang you.
If you drink, then you have to drink until you are maximum charming, without being embarrassing.
What do you do when you suddenly realise that you two are just not meant to be?
What happens if you realise they are the best person in the world and you could totally marry this person?
The end of the first date is probably the most awkward moment in the whole dating process. DO YOU KISS?
What do you do if it's obvious you aren't going to kiss?
And then there's the second date, and you have to start the whole awkward texting thing again.
It's a miracle anyone manages to procreate at all.
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