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Posted on Dec 22, 2017

21 Funny AF Tweets About Couples That You’ll Laugh At Even If You’re Single

Me: So when are we gonna start pregaming for this party? Future husband: Um, this is our son's third birthday party.


[in bed with date] ME: I'm pretty good with my hands, y'know HER: Oh? ME *begins 3 hour finger puppet musical*


Date: I'm pretty easygoing, you? Me: *regularly gets stressed out doing captcha tests bc I don't know if bushes count as trees* Definitely.


There’s a secret code where if you tell a guy about your beanie baby collection on the first date, it locks all dates after that.


ME: We don't need a new kitchen, it'll empty our savings account WIFE: It's only can't take it with you…


WIFE: How was the first day of space command? ME: *dejectedly taking off my space suit* I messed up and said "laser beans."


[date] Her: tell me something about yourself Me: *remembers girls like tough guys* I killed a man Her: ... Me:…


My wife found a spider in the shower. Anyway, the open house is this Saturday if you're interested.


Me: so when are we gonna start pregaming for this party Future husband: um this is our son's 3rd birthday party


ME: careful there is a bee on that tree lim WIFE: limb has a b at the end ME: i literally just said that diane


Sorry I said "You'll do" instead of "I do" at our wedding.


*stands up and rings my glass at a wedding to get everyone's attention* Me: "Thank you all for your attention, I w…


[falling asleep] Him: *wraps his arms around me & softly kisses just below my ear* goodnight, my love Me: *reache…


GF: This relationship isn't going to work if you keep pretending you're a news anchor. Me: BREAKING: my heart.


Him: I think it's time for an intervention. Me, with 5 chocolate chip cookies stuffed in my mouth & crumbs on my clothes & in my hair: Whaf?


My wife forgot to tell me her check engine light was on for 3 weeks. Yet she remembers what I did wrong on May 9th 2011 at 4:57 p.m.


im gonna make my husband take my first name too


Me: Babe, I got my hand stuck in the Pringles can again. Him: Lisa, just let go of the chip. Me: NO MAN LEFT BEHIND!


Wife: I think your phone light is on. Me: No, I just hugged my Glo Worm.


[the ceiling caves in] BF: OMG are you ok?? ME: thank god we both are BF: aw i love you too babe ME [cradling my phone]: what


[childbirth] me: are you ok? wife: IT'S AGONY! me: I THOUGHT WE DECIDED ON TIFFANY


[supermarket] *BF hands me iceberg lettuce* M: Haha yeah ok *sarcastically​ starts adding it to cart before punting it into the next aisle*

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