1.
Me: *destroys spider web Spider: wow Me: *puts up fake spider web Spider: WOW
2.
My favorite Horror movie is the one where the Target cashier wants to talk to me about my grocery choices.
3.
4.
Halloween is my favorite holiday to toilet paper the neighbor’s house and blame trick or treaters.
5.
some lady dressed as catwoman is walking around our halloween party just knocking drinks off tables
6.
Halloween is canceled
7.
I think I'll complete my cat lady transformation by giving out cough drops on Halloween.
8.
9.
Can’t believe it’s 2018 and venturing into a forbidden library still causes an unknown force to extinguish your candelabra
10.
Me, sober: "Yeah, I'm not all that excited for #Halloween." Me, drunk:
11.
there’s a spider on my wall, but fuck it, i’m not gettin up. free halloween decoration.
12.
My favorite Halloween movie is the first 3/4 of The Craft when they’re all still BFFs & one of them kills the guy who attacked her friend
13.
14.
if a ghost wore pants would he wear them like this or like this
15.
ghost: boo- me: is that supposed to scare me? ghost: -mers are writing laws that ensure they'll protect their wealth until they die but at the cost of completely fucking over the next generations Me: 😮
16.
POLTERGEIST: gettttttt... outtttt... MY MOM & DAD: gettttttt... outttt...
17.
Guide to Halloween Acronyms LOL = Licking On Lollipops BRB = Big Rich Butterfingers OMG = One More Goober IDK = I Destroy KitKats SMH = So Much Halloween
18.
Establish dominance by only having Halloween candy with peanuts in it.
19.
[After spending 4 weeks making a costume for Halloween] This is so worth it for a Snickers mini.
20.
Neighbor: Happy Halloween! Me (sitting on the porch with a bowl of Kit Kats): It’s Halloween?
21.
My toddler is going to be the Hulk for Halloween and I'm really proud of him for finally realizing he has anger issues.
22.
Ruined my day by realizing that the song Monster Mash is about a song called the Monster Mash and we’ve never actually heard that song.
23.
Just gave my next door neighbor a giant bag of candy to dump in my sons trick or treat bucket on Halloween so I can go home after one house.