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    I Laughed At These 23 Hilarious Christmas Tweets And You Probably Will Too

    "The twelve days of Christmas is completely unrealistic there is no way that you’re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds."


    My kids overheard me call our Christmas tree a thirsty bitch when I was filling its stand with water



    My favorite part of the Sleigh Ride song is all the whipping. You assume it’s for the horse, but there’s no way to know for sure.


    me at xmas vs. my bank account at xmas


    the twelve days of christmas is completely unrealistic there is no way that you’re still accepting gifts from someone after four days of birds



    Someone just wished me “Happy Holidays” and I was so offended. How DARE someone assume I’d ever want to be happy.


    Kids: We are making you a Christmas gift! Me: Oh, that is so sweet- K: *pull out paint* Me: You really don’t- K: *pull out glue* Me: Really, guys, I don’t need- K: *pull out glitter* Me: Christmas is cancelled.


    5...GOLDEN...RINGS!!!!! Gollum: (chewing on turtle doves) I fuckin’ love this song


    I'm 45 and I would still be tickled pink to wake up Christmas morning to a Barbie Dream House with accessories.


    me: [breaking awkward silence on drive home] O Tannenbaum, O Holy Night, O Little Town of Bethlehem, O Come All Ye Faithful, O- wife: i don't care how many songs you list, you don't ask the choir to "show me your O faces"


    I can tell by your family Christmas card that we are not in the same tax bracket.


    anybody: i love this time of year! me: you mean you ove it anybody: what me: cause there's Noel


    Her: ♪i really can't stay Baby: it's cold outside Me: holy shit a talking baby


    Her: 5 golden rings, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree Me: yes, that's right Her: ok, do u want any ranch or honey mustard?


    Me: I'm excited to eat whatever is inside this advent calendar Wife: we don't have an advent calendar Me: *punching a hole in the drywall* mmm looks like more of that cotton candy


    HOLIDAY DUETS mariah carey: 🎵all i want for christmas is... soulja boy: 🎵youuuuuuuuuuu


    Relative at Christmas *opening front door* 🎶it's the most wonderful time of the y- Me *carrying bags in* what's the wi-fi password


    jingle bell. jingle bell. jingle bell. rock. - looking for shells on the north pole beach


    Ladies, if he gives you: 12 drummers 11 pipers 10 lords 9 ladies 8 maids 7 swans 6 geese 5 gold rings 4 calling birds 3 french hens 2 turtle doves 1 partridge in a pear tree he's not your true love. he's wanted in multiple states for kidnapping and unlawful possession of birds.


    Her: I really can’t stay 🎶 Me, an introvert: aw that’s too bad


    According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.


    [to the tune of mr brightside] now he's making a list and he's checking it twice and he's gonna find out who's been naughty or nice

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