Donald Trump wants to build a big beautiful wall along the border between the US and Mexico, which is a great idea, because as we all know, walls ALWAYS work.
Just look at this glorious monument to Eastern Bloc efficiency and creativity:
1. Not only have walls always been a great metaphor for freedom ...
2. ... they're also great at keeping “really, really bad people” from getting into your country. Whether it's these ruffians ...
3. ... or determined Mongol invaders.
4. And since people respond so well to boundaries, walls have never caused any anguish or human suffering.
5. And they never seem either desperate or shortsighted.
6. Building huge walls between nations has always been a great way to maximize happiness for BOTH countries!
7. Walls promote mutual understanding and respect. Nothing ever goes wrong when you build a wall.
8. Because, (thanks only in part to alliteration) boundaries build buddies.
9. Concrete creates cooperation!
10. Nothing really alliterates usefully with "death strip," but they're good things to have around.
11. Everyone loves walls! This guy couldn’t keep himself away from the one they built in Berlin.
12. And these families made countless happy memories together waving to each other across their wall.
13. The wall will be a symbol of two countries coexisting in peaceful respect for one another, and definitely not a symbol of strife and alienation.
14. And a powerful reminder of what can happen when people from different places come together to build something that will last.
15. In fact, once we've got all the pieces in place, we can go one step further, and, on the other side of the Trump Wall...
…we can build a maze! Picture it! “Trump’s Maze.” That’ll slow down the thousands of "murderers and rapists" who spend their days looking wistfully across the border of Arizona.
16. Honestly, the only real downside to building a wall is how bummed out everyone will be if it ever comes down.
17. And because walls always work, there will never be a situation where people keep small bits of the failed wall to remind ourselves never to make this mistake again.
18. In fact, there will never be peace until we put up that wall.
19. So let's build it already!
20. And if for some reason we can’t get Mexico to pay for it, we can always just figure out what that kid from the 1994 Frosted Flakes commercial is up to these day.
Here's to walls!
