With all the heteronormative ideals in society, we're constantly hearing about relationship "rules" and stereotypes we apparently have to stick to.
So, recently I asked the BuzzFeed Community what relationship stereotypes they find completely unnecessary, and you guys really came through. Here are the stereotypes that grind people's gears:
1. The notion that couples don’t actually like each other but stay together anyway.
"You see it in TV shows and movies all the time. I’ve seen it loads in real life too, with guy friends moaning that they have to spend time with their girlfriends and I never understood it. If you don’t like your partner how can you expect a real relationship?"
"If you hate them, don’t marry them!!"
"The stereotype that, even if they don’t initially, all men will eventually grow to resent their partners because they 'trapped' them and that they no longer look like they did when they were young."
2. The belief that couples have to share a bed, no matter how uncomfortable it is.
"It's okay for couples to have separate bedrooms."
"THIS!!! I never liked sharing my bed and therefore never understood why it's the ultimate goal to sleep in the same bed."
"I adore my partner and have gotten maybe two full nights’ sleep in the past three years with him in the bed next to me. I am just not made for sleeping in the same bed with anyone."
3. The idea that everything always has to be even, 24/7.
"I hate when couples think everything has to be '50/50'. Right now I’m giving 10 and my boyfriend is giving 90 (I’ve been mega depressed) and I have been slacking, to say the least.
He always says 'we are a team, and a team don’t give up cause one of the players is down' and I think more couples should think that way."
4. The belief that men are idiots who can't make decisions, so women have to do it for them.
"Not only is this a blatantly false and unnecessary criticism of men, but it also helps perpetuate the idea that women have to take care of their husband like you would take care of a child.
How about we recognise that men are grown adults who are very much capable of running their life just as well as a woman?"
"I can't count the number of times my husband hasn't been asked for a decision regarding our wedding, house, or daughter's education because people assume he'd leave it up to me."
"I've had the assistant in a menswear store ask me what kind of shirts my husband wears, while he was standing right next to me.
Firstly, he's an adult who chooses his own clothes, and secondly, if you flipped the gender roles, people would call that kind of behaviour controlling and abusive."
5. The assumption that specific gender roles are set (when it comes to heterosexual couples, at least).
"Women are supposed to be the cleaner, the stay at home one, and the cook. Men are supposed to be the big one that isn’t supposed to cry. I hate cooking, cleaning, and at the moment I’m the only one working in my relationship. My boyfriend, however, cries, and loves to cook. I also enjoy fixing things with tools, and my boyfriend doesn’t know how to use an electric saw."
"In hetero relationships, the woman has to be the soft, sensitive, pensive one and the man has to be the strong go-getter. So many people pretend to be something they're not when their actual qualities would be so amazing and useful."
6. The notion that couples have to be together all the time, with zero privacy.
"It’s okay for couples to have privacy from each other. My wife doesn’t need access to my devices just like I don’t need access to hers."
"That you have to spend most of your time together. Myself and my girlfriend are both introverts who are super into our hobbies and we tend to spend most of the day in our separate home offices/lounges. Only the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen are communal. We're still stupidly in love after five years, so it clearly works for us!"
7. The assumption that women can't possibly earn more than men in hetero relationships.
"My partner earns a few grand a year more than me and people think it bothers me! The way I see it, we both work hard to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table, and provide for our three pets. It really doesn't matter to either of us who earns more, as long as we have what we need."
"I earn almost double my husband and he does most of the cooking/cleaning so it balances out, but we sometimes get comments from family when I pay for the majority of things."
8. The notion that, for a relationship to run smoothly, couples have to share all their finances.
"That men should handle the finances. I fell for that stupid ideology, and so do a number of women I know. They’ll get paid, give their portion of the bills to their husbands or male suitors, and then trust that he’ll be responsible for paying the bills."
"'Married couples have to share finances.' Well, excuuuuse me for thinking it’s weird to buy my wife a birthday or Christmas gift with 'our' money."
9. The idea that people should base relationships on speed and superficial elements instead of going with how they feel.
"Everyone is different and knows their relationship better than anyone else. Some of the most successful relationships are fast-paced and some slow-paced relationships end up crashing and burning. It is not a one size fits all rule."
"Compatibility takes a back seat in front of other important factors (beauty, financial status, family background, etc). Of course, those are important to notice but so is the mental understanding between two people. Marrying for looks, money, or status is so common in our society but it doesn't always mean a happy marriage."
10. The belief that marriage is necessary and automatically changes everything.
"I never understood the concept of documented marriage. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be engaged and have a wedding, all of it. But besides combining all your money, assets, and being the hospital's go-to if your spouse is hurt, why do I have to sign a legal document for it to be 'official'."
"I dislike the idea that getting married should make the relationship different. You should be well aware of how you as a couple work BEFORE getting married or else there's a risk there that isn't necessary. When I got married it was the happiest day of my life, but nothing changed in our relationship. The marriage was just a celebration of our love for each other."
11. The idea that women need to do everything possible to look "perfect" but men don't need to bother.
"Beauty standards. Women are so often expected to be shaved, wear makeup, be thin, and generally 'make an effort' to keep their partner interested, yet men can throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and are good to go. Women have body hair, we age, and there's nothing wrong with that. You see celebrity men all the time get praised for their looks while their wives get torn to pieces."
12. The assumption that someone has to be "the man" in queer relationships, because how on Earth could they function without one?
"I hated when my ex-girlfriend was referred to as 'the man', and I 'the woman', because she had short hair and wore jeans while I had long hair and tended to wear dresses. There wasn't a man, that's the point. And it's such a ridiculous notion that clothing or hair makes us the 'man' or the 'woman'."
"I hate it when people say 'which one of you is the man?' to a lesbian couple. How do they not understand they are both women?"
13. The assumption that weddings and kids are womanly things, and men want none of it.
"The stereotype that men only ever do so because they’re tricked, pressured or 'not real men'. I logically know this is absolutely not true, but anytime I hear of a guy proposing or that someone is pregnant, my automatic first thought is 'bet dude wished he’d wrapped it up.'"
"In every straight (or straight passing) couple, the woman always wants a big wedding and then kids even if she tells you otherwise. I never wanted any of that. I'm in my mid-30s and people still insist to my partner that I'll change my mind and turn into a total stranger overnight because, IDK, ovaries or something?"
"Women are the main caretaker of the children. It drives me insane when someone says the father needs to 'babysit'. They are his kids too! It’s not babysitting when a mother is taking care of the kids for the night. So why the hell would it be babysitting for the father?"
14. The belief that everyone has to stick to monogamy, even if it doesn't work for them.
"That every 'real' relationship has to be monogamous, or that any physical or emotional interaction with someone else is 'cheating'. There are so many reasons that people might not only want to be physically or emotionally involved with only one other person. The societal construct of the 'monogamous relationship' is so toxic and causes so much hurt because it doesn't work for every person."
15. The idea that, no matter what, everyone hates their in-laws.
"I dislike the 'I hate my in laws' idea. I love my mother-in-law and have a better relationship with her than I do my own mom."
16. And finally, the notion that you shouldn't go to bed angry, even if you haven't resolved anything yet.
"'Never go to bed angry' is SUCH poppycock. Go to bed mad if you're not ready to talk yet, just commit to working it out when you've both calmed down – tired and upset people aren't likely to have a lot of productive discussions."
Note: Some entries were edited for length and/or clarity.