6. You will feel intense hatred toward anyone in your office who comes to work sick. Then put on your bravest “I feel great!” face when you yourself come into work sick.
7. At some horrifying point, you will hear one of your co-workers fart (or worse, poop in the bathroom!), and you’ll have to continue on with life as if nothing has changed.
Even though everything has changed. It has all changed.
9. Regardless of your relationship status, you will develop a work crush.
They don’t even have to be hot, necessarily. Just so long as you can stare at their face and pretend you’re anywhere else but work.
10. You will be creeped out by someone who works in your office, and you’ll bond with other people over it.
11. You will either be the fiscally responsible adult who brings lunch to work every day, or the person who knows every takeout place by heart.
Spoiler alert: The person who answers the phone will know your order by heart too!
13. You’ll “go on a diet,” which is just basically a promise that you won’t eat anymore cookies, cupcakes, or cake.
14. Your co-workers will ask why you aren’t eating the cake, clearly judging you, and you will eat the cake to stave off their contemptuous stares.
16. You will know every single detail of your co-workers’ personal lives, whether they know it or not.
17. You’ll put one personal thing in your office drawer, and one day open it up and realize that you now live out of that drawer.
18. You will have REALLY bad days where you end up fantasizing about setting things on fire.
These will pass. Most likely.
19. Simple pleasures, like casual Fridays or free lunch Wednesdays, will make you happy to an almost irrational point.
It’s just lunch, but it means SO MUCH MORE than that.
20. You will see a piece of office humor that is borderline dad-joke territory, but you will LOL at it and surprise yourself.
You will LOL so hard, friend.
- Donald Trump promised insurance for everyone this weekend, but Senate Republicans say they assume he misspoke.
- President Barack Obama shortened Chelsea Manning's 35-year sentence for leaking documents to WikiLeaks. She'll be freed in May.
- Blue Lies Matter: Video finally proved that police officers lie — and why they get away with it.
- A Toronto man is on a mission to bathe at a different stranger's house every day this month. And so far, so good 🛀