::: sound of royal trumpets ::: Hi, hello, this is stunning actress Meghan Markle and that hot ginger we all have illicit fantasies about, Prince Harry.
They are dating, and have been dating since last summer, so almost a year — if you're into math and such.
And if you've been wondering what it's like to be two very attractive and famous people at a wedding in Jamaica...I have answers.
As Harry's date you get to drink champagne and some other drink that's the color of a sunset.
You get to put your hand on Harry's back.
Then you get to talk to Harry about your theory that cats think people are just bigger, dumber cats*.
Prince Harry totally agrees with you, btw.
Then you get to smile as Harry says something brilliant, probably about how clever and beautiful you are.
Then, as the sun begins to set, you stare at all of the people who aren't dating Prince Harry...
...lift your arm, and whisper softly to them, "Smell that? It's victory."
And you'd be right, because GOD DAMNIT I WANT TO DATE PRINCE HARRY.
