Buzz·Posted on Aug 10, 201831 Of The Funniest Tweets By Women This Week"I hate when my friend starts dating an idiot and I have to be like how could you bring this man into our lives."by Erin ChackBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. your friend Helen @hels Anyone who doesn't keep their email in the leftmost tab is a cop 04:58 PM - 08 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Amy Schwartz @lizardschwartz I will never be as successful as this small duck 12:33 PM - 04 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. dirt prince @pants_leg i hate when my friend starts dating an idiot and i have to be like how could you bring this man into our lives 04:32 AM - 04 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. 𝔏𝔞𝔲𝔯𝔢𝔫 ℭ𝔬𝔪𝔯𝔞𝔡𝔢 @infinityonhi My dad is zipping his zip-off shorts back into pants so you know summer’s over 02:56 PM - 09 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Sarah Lazarus @sarahclazarus hey there delilah: the tv show! livestrong bracelets: the movie! flirting with me in study hall and then ignoring me on AIM: the broadway musical! 07:27 PM - 07 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Cassie @Cassiesmyth When you're on a dodgy site trying to stream a movie and all the ads start popping up when you're just trying to find the play button https://t.co/nyp1JhEBkw 11:37 AM - 09 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. a•ran @ayyyran i asked this guy how tall he is and he blocked me lmfao 12:34 AM - 07 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Meredith Jeffers @MeredithJeffers in my tinder bio i mention that i have an MFA and i’m 03:14 PM - 08 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. julia reinstein 🚡 @juliareinstein me: [selects "send verification code as text" on a website] me three seconds later: oh boy a tex mesage 08:24 PM - 07 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Brianna Zigler @briannazigs can you imagine what it's like being one of stellan skarsgard's acting sons. you're cast as demons, abusers, and general axe murderers while your dad is off singing abba and being spooned by colin firth https://t.co/6UIHKTOCB6 06:27 PM - 06 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. gab ⭐️ @zeprielle I swear to God we all lived the same life https://t.co/g4wa6hmJMN 07:57 AM - 07 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Vomitspit. @ashleydragulaa Respect 11:19 PM - 04 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Alice Moran @Alice_Moran A man just asked, “Hey red - does the carpet match the drapes?” So I lied and I said I didn’t understand what he was asking. Then he AKWARDLY TRIED TO EXPLAIN HIS SHITTY SEXUAL COMMENT. And as he did he got all embarrassed and ashamed. Can I buy this feeling as a drug??? 09:42 PM - 07 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Elspeth Belden @lbhahaha Guns N' Roses have really mellowed with age 03:48 PM - 03 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. caitie karasik @caitieekk I’ve literally never met a man who is not named Matt 11:11 PM - 05 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. sullen girl @divermylove the sexual tension between these two beach houses???? lmao 02:12 AM - 05 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. American Housewife @WhatIDoAllDay "We've met" is Southern Lady code for: "I remember you because you were horrible to me, but you don't remember me because you're horrible to everyone." 10:33 PM - 04 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. I Luh God ✨ @aVeryRichBish Oprah even dances rich 05:25 PM - 05 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Dr.Sucia @dr_sucia Step one: mind your business. https://t.co/FPssLZJMgX 06:03 PM - 08 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Sophia @SophiaCannon Why Apple is worth $1 trillion 05:02 AM - 03 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Carrie Coon @carriecoon Steven Seagal looks like Sacha Baron Cohen disguised as Steven Seagal. Goodnight. 03:51 AM - 06 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Snowkissed @Colorfulkkaylaa Brands: "we have a sample" 12:22 AM - 05 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Alexandra Petri @petridishes Punctuation is the difference between “for sale: baby shoes. Never worn” and “FOR SALE, BABY! Shoes! Never worn!” 06:03 PM - 03 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. . @GimmeApenny my grandma caught my sister with a boy in her room😭😭😭 09:43 PM - 03 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. 𝕃 𝕒 𝕦 𝕣 𝕖 𝕟 @LLW90210 every straight girl on this site has an apartment filled with stunning art, plants and vintage furniture but is in love with a man who sleeps on a bare mattress next to his PS4 11:13 PM - 05 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. Róisín @magicrowley Bertie the Pomeranian on instagram has a Paddington bear costume and everyone needs to experience the pure joy I felt when I saw this picture https://t.co/yf7HXMKD8G 11:37 PM - 04 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. Mara @__Maramara Surviving in New York Requires like 2 jobs and a little fraud on the side 🤦🏾♀️ 04:53 PM - 05 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. evelyn @__evyvg My dad told me to get my brother a pizza from “liro syser” 01:37 AM - 07 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. michaela kennedy @mic22ken I’m babysitting my 2 yr old nephew today and when I told him he couldn’t eat ice cream for breakfast he told me “you’re not my best friend anymore” so we compromised and now he’s on his second bowl of ice cream and I’ve gained the title “best friend in the whole wide world” 03:08 PM - 07 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 30. Mindy Kaling @mindykaling LOLLL https://t.co/G4yy3k2zgW 09:42 PM - 08 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite 31. Dani @daniiyells Mike and Sully were two blue-collar workers who managed to pay for their spacious 1 bedroom in central Monstropolis while sheltering a young political refugee, and developing a new form of clean, renewable energy. What have YOU done today? 03:54 AM - 05 Aug 2018 Reply Retweet Favorite