1.
There’s 7 million people in this world and you think I’m gonna let one customer with a bad attitude to ruin my day??? damn right I am I’ll probably even go cry in the freezer too
2.
I am a grown ass woman and I can do whatever I want with my money.
3.
Dropping a sewing needle is like a cross between Where's Waldo and The Floor Is Lava except if you don't find Waldo he's gonna stab you.
4.
"mama a girl behind you" 🤣🤣😭💀💀
5.
starbucks: we’ve banned plastic straws! me: oh hell yes starbucks: yeah we’ve got these cool new lids instead me: what are they made of starbucks: plastic me: starbucks: me: starbucks: wait shit
6.
The plan? Pilot a mini submarine built from spare rocket parts into an empty cave to prove that it theoretically could have rescued a youth soccer team that is already safe in order to show that one of the actual rescuers is a liar and pedophile https://t.co/v1ikEYyo4r
7.
true real fact: when lana del rey says 'my pussy tastes like pepsi cola' she was actually commenting on how capitalist society turns women's bodies into commodities that can be consumed by men and then later that day she wrote the communist manifesto and created marxism
8.
Not what we had in mind when we ordered the cake
9.
Honestly this sounds like a perfect day https://t.co/ad3K40Rrdp
10.
sephora be like “would you like to redeem your beauty insider points today?<3”
11.
she got a permit?? https://t.co/2NLUMPwudw
12.
a new gender, one which is intangible and brings an eerie fear into the hearts of strangers.
13.
don't bodyshame the wildfires https://t.co/fU3fznd8gn
14.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOSE DOG MADE THIS?
15.
i obviously meant to shout "I DON'T OBJECT" sorry that i ruined your wedding
16.
Me talking about myself: ▶ 🔘─────── 00:02 Me talking about how Plato’s Closet has no right to reject my clothes when most of their employees should be contestants on What Not To Wear: ▶ 🔘─────── 9:21:04
17.
my son can wear as much makeup as he wants, but let him try and join the military HA not my baby, you can serve looks but not this country
18.
My little brothers a dumbass lmao Fox News left his ass on read 😂
19.
we are getting TWO Mamma Mias and exactly ZERO Pappa Pias and that’s how i know feminism is working
20.
I love overhearing dog owners talking to their dogs eg, I was petting this dog who seemed happy but then suddenly growled at me, so I left As I turned the corner I could hear his owner saying to him reproachfully, "You always do this, Oscar, you drive away all your friends"
21.
A girl on my bus just said “I can’t look at halloumi anymore because it just reminds me of him”. What kind of horrible man has ruined HALLOUMI for a woman. HALLOUMI.
22.
Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1000s of pictures you have of them sleeping