1.
Dog owners: this is my precious angel boy who I payed $3,000 for last November and I finally got to take him today he's my everything and all Cat owners: this is my trash gremlin she was stuck in the gutter across the street and I lured her out with shrimp on a string
2.
ariana grande and pete davidson dating feels like if the horse girl and the boy who flipped his eyelids from your school started dating
3.
18th birthday: cant wait to be 21 19th birthday: cant wait to be 21 20th birthday: cant wait to be 21 21st birthday: YEET 22nd birthday: time is fleeting; my days left on this earth are numbered
4.
When you first joined twitter vs now
5.
If I can’t go to Planned Parenthood for a routine pap smear without being screamed at and harassed by Christian protestors then Stephen Miller shouldn’t be able to eat his fucking salad without being called an asshole.
6.
best disney princesses ranked 10. u can't 9. rank 8. them 7. because 6. they 5. all 4. are 3. individually 2. amazing 1. mulan, the great warrior who took it upon herself to save all of china with her tactics and cleverness when she was only 16
7.
My Nana asked me how to Instagram and girl I think the fuck NOT. We let your generation on Facebook for 5 mins and got a Brexit and Trump. Nah, you lot better stick to Hotmail before we all die in this bitch.
8.
so no one told you life was gonna be this way
9.
twitter feed, a dramatic re-enactment: our govt is an atrocity our govt is an atrocity our govt is an atrocity here are which babysitters’ club members had the biggest dick energy our govt is an atrocity
10.
Did a bus write this
11.
Date: I love car chase action scenes Me, a fruit stand vendor: I think we're done here
12.
what the fuck
13.
Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.
14.
saw £20 lying on the floor beside my foot in edinbrugh, picked it up and gave it to a guy holding a charity box....walked away all chuffed with myself only now to realise it was mine and it had fallen out my pocket 🙂🙂🙂hate maself now
15.
if u use your female friends as dumping grounds for all ur emotional issues u need a therapist. if youre an adult who cant maintain a genuine friendship longer than a few months u need a therapist. if u refer to gatorades by their flavor instead of their color u need a therapist
16.
WhatsApp notification from Mum: “RECENT STUDIES HAVE SHOWN........”
17.
me: *knows 6lack name is pronounced black* my only brain cell: six lack.
18.
My dad used to help my mom get ready and i can’t even get a text back :’)
19.
Queer Eye but it's a bunch of butch lesbians who show up at my house and teach me how to parallel park
20.
Dietary fact: if you drink a gallon of water a day, you won’t have time to be in anyone’s business because you’ll be too busy peeing. Stay hydrated. https://t.co/3sVX4YG0hy
21.
Every woman I know has been storing anger for years in her body and it’s starting to feel like bees are going to pour out of all of our mouths at the same time.
22.
10k rts and I hit send
23.
dude at pacsun asked for my number while i was cashing out and i was like oh sorry i'm not really interested hahah and this man looks at me and goes "i meant for the rewards program..." why am i the dumbest human being alive
24.
How invested are you REALLY in your insta selfies
25.
LMAOOOOOO
26.
The kids I nanny asked why I wanted to see Incredibles 2 and I said because the first one came out when I was a kid and they really asked .... If it was in color
27.
I took an uber alone at 2am and when I got out my uber driver was like “have fun, get that dick!” and I said “hell yes thank you!!” because I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was being dropped at my moms house cause we have to wake up early to celebrate my dogs birthday
28.
who did this
29.
I AM! https://t.co/fbMbIkCMe8
Thumbnail source: Instagram.com/arianagrande / Alfredo Flores