1.
The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.
2.
OMG I told a woman we didn’t have oat milk n she straight up wrote a PERSONAL ESSAY AB IT IM SCREAMING
3.
stop 🗣 killing 🗣 scottish 🗣 people 🗣 to make 🗣 scotch 🗣 tape 🗣
4.
Why the hell do you also have teeth
5.
In the future everyone will be cancelled for fifteen minutes.
6.
what
7.
2017: sassy brands who dunk on people 2018: the brands are anxious and depressed now 2019: brands start asking for feet pics
8.
This is my cat's medicine.
9.
The real kings of R&B https://t.co/DE5hE2faz2
10.
Me staring into a smoker’s eyes and coughing when they start smoking next to me in public
11.
She wears short skirts I wear t-shirts She’s cheer captain and Pop culture demonized the archetype of the pretty blond cheerleader to create a us vs them mentality and rivalry based on subjective comparisons in order to distract teen girls from realizing the true enemy, men
12.
13.
the term ‘virginity’ is CANCELLED. we havin sexual debuts now
14.
Reborn, the ancient druid tries to spread the prophecy as a warning, unaware that the gods have interfered once again
15.
Men to their babies: https://t.co/nFIfCNV8uF
16.
Y’all gotta go visit New York. I promise you won’t regret the view
17.
No wonder why I have back problems , I’m carrying around this big ass HEART all MF day
18.
which auto response should i send back to my dentist?
19.
universities will push ridiculously insane amounts of work on young human beings to the point that some students feel like ending their lives ?? and then send u emails like "EXAM SEASON DE-STRESS YOGA WORKSHOP TUESDAY AT NOON !! COME STUDY W HOT CHOCOLATE WED AT 4PM !! :)" Lmao
20.
There’s a coyote outside. You know what that means: coyote vest time!
21.
*looks to camera*
22.
WHO'S idea was it to put feathers on Beyoncé? She obviously don't know how to act 😭
23.
How The Grinch Stole The Declaration Of Independence
24.
Ed Sheeran is a 27 year old man the fact we’ve enabled him to feel it’s ok to dress like this at all, let alone next to Beyoncé really boils my piss
25.
wow can't believe friends is being taken off netflix, I guess this means the people who still watch friends are gonna have to like idk develop a personality now or something
26.
when you put your glasses on
27.
Everyone leaving Tumblr