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44 Tweets For Women By Women That Are Just Really Fucking Funny

"Oh my...yet another gentleman caller has sent me his penis portrait..."

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1.

boy: i wished girls liked sports girl: i like sports boy: oh yeah name the blood type of the seahawks coach from the 1990s

2.

Behind every strong woman is 5 other strong women who proofread her email real quick when they had a second

3.

Women's deodorant scents: rose, cotton, spring, meadow Men's: WINTER ICE, SHARKNADO, GLACIER PUNCH, ANTIFREEZE, GUN

5.

Periods are like a friend who comes bearing good news but then stays for a week, eats all your food, and borrows and ruins your clothes

6.

[1789, woman opens beautifully wrapped hand delivered message] Oh my...yet another gentleman caller has sent me his penis portrait...

7.

You can complain all you want about women taking selfies; we aren't the ones naming our children our own exact fucking names.

8.

when it's been 20 years and you're still fed up of listening to men

9.

Birth control pills are like cute little advent calendars for a really shitty holiday.

10.

are you even a girl if you don't tell people you're wearing jeans and a nice top ????

11.

Don't hate the player, hate the social construct of performative masculinity, which encourages weak men to conform to a sexist narrative th

12.

every time I find something in forever 21

13.

A cat-caller just said he wants to get "all up in my business" which is great because my taxes are complicated and I could use the help.

14.

20 Things That Women Should Stop Wearing After The Age of 30 1-20: The weight of other people's expectations & judgments

15.

I bet a lot of guys who don't think that rape is a big deal were super upset when that U2 album was put on their phone without consent.

17.

The moral of Beauty and the Beast is that looks don't matter, as long as you're a man.

18.

A man once got mad bc my ma asked me for a tampon in Punjabi + demanded we speak English so my ma asked him if he had a tampon + he ran away

19.

If you think you have a stupid question, just remember NASA engineers once asked Sally Ride if 100 tampons were enough for a 7 day mission.

21.

[first date] I just love that you are a normal, cool girl. *subtly slides macaroni art of your face back under my chair* -Yeah, totally.

22.

Omg. I just realized. Of COURSE God is a woman. That's why the Bible is an entire book filled with men explaining what she said.

23.

If Thor is a woman, what's next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? When will it end?

25.

Me: I know panty hose are a little dated but I love how they even out my skin tone Bank Teller: So is this not a robbery? Me: No, It is

26.

The Venn diagram of men who say women take too long to get ready and men who ask if you're sick when you're not wearing makeup is a circle.

27.

attention men: pls stop telling us you want to go down on us for "hours". thats way too long. we have stuff to do. i've got a lasagne cookin

29.

guys: women are a mystery. women: Here is what we- guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT? women: well for start- guys: Guess we'll never know!

30.

Man: I'll never date a feminist Feminists: True

32.

when u sit down and look at your stomach

33.

I don’t need femims because we have lost too many men to the friendzone. The zone where they get to be friends with women. It’s a nightmare

34.

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids... Suddenly I realise everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow

35.

Mona Lisa: (to self) Did this guy just tell me to fucking SMILE??

36.

I can't think of anything that's better summed up what it's like to be a woman 🙃

37.

ITEMS EVERY WOMAN SHOULD OWN: -Little Black Dress -Cute flats -Strappy s- ok now that the men have stopped reading, we revolt at dawn.

38.

If you're a male pundit critiquing a woman's weight you should have to do it shirtless in front of an audience of women three rosés deep

39.

a girl i know in her 20s with a 40 yr old boyfriend captioned a pic of him cooking with "my man can cook" UM HE IS 40 THAT IS NOT IMPRESSIVE

40.

Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans.

41.

Dolls teach girls very unrealistic body standards. A Russian doesn't have to have many tiny Russians inside her to be beautiful.

42.

baby: d-dd-d parents: dada?!?! baby: DESTROY THE FUCKIN PATRIARCHY *guitar solo*

43.

Like a gender reveal but instead of eating pink or blue cake you smash a piggy bank to reveal $1 if it's a boy or 78 cents if it's a girl

44.

We asked 500 men what they look for in a woman and then set them adrift on a raft screaming, because just kidding who cares

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