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Updated on Dec 24, 2018. Posted on Dec 18, 2017

50 Tweets That Prove John Mayer Was The King Of Twitter In 2017

His twitter is a wonderland.

1. On innovation:

They should let everyone on hold with customer service talk to one another.

2. On relationships:

Shout out to people who text you and apparently throw their phone into a river as soon as they hit send?

3. On dating:

Hi girls I'm John, single, I wear a patch for back pain and have a daily phone alarm set to remind me to take antacid. Real bad boy type.

4. On opinions:

How 2 tweet safely 1. Say ur tweet out loud 2. Pretend ur someone who hates u 3. Attack ur tweet from all angles 4. Wait 10 days

5. On social anxiety:

Whenever I come home from a party, I like to play a little game called "why did I tell that story?"

6. On getting star struck:

7. On mental health:

8. On drugs:

The edible I ate last March just kicked in.

9. On yogurt:

Yogurt does nothing. Creamy nonsense. You ever finished a yogurt cup and felt like it made a difference? Like throwing a shoe at a bear.

10. On cyclical habits:

I eat because I feel unsexy and I feel unsexy because I eat. ♻️

11. On perspective:

time will reveal most ‘cool’ things as stupid, so you might as well just do your own thing.

12. On friendship:

It’s weird watching your friends’ Instagram stories featuring a friend you don’t know, and they’re goofin’ it up, d…

13. On Twitter doubling the character count for tweets:

Look, here’s the deal: if I had a 140 square foot apartment, and somebody magically doubled the size of it, I’m not…

14. On limbo:

Simple fact of life: “maybe” always hurts worse than “no”

15. On self care:

If you’re good hearted and trying your hand at apathy today because it sucks to hurt again, 1. Me too. 2. It’s not working for me either.

16. On DIY:

Have leftover Eggo waffles from your Eleven Halloween costume? We’ll show you how to make it into Thanksgiving stuffing. After the break.

17. On hard truths:

Confession: while I’m annoyed by people who talk loudly/act obnoxiously in public, I secretly admire their lack of self consciousness.

18. On peer review:

A lot of people ask me “John, you’re not funny.”

19. On editing:

Every tweet you write falls apart if you stare at it long enough.

20. On believing in yourself:

My Music Me: this is great Reviews: “it’s alright.” Me: yah it’s just alright. Me listening six months later: whatever, this is great.

21. On inner beauty:

If you’re pretty, you’re pretty; but the only way to be beautiful is to be loving. Otherwise, it’s just “congratulations about your face.”

22. On meaninglessness:

Please don’t read my order back to me. I don’t care if you get it completely wrong. My choices are arbitrary anyway…

23. On inspirational advice:

24. On reliability:

RT if you've ever walked around your house with your phone tucked in the waistline of your underwear

25. On ntrnt trnds:

Can we please stop taking the vowels out of words to make them appear cooler? THNKS

26. On true art:

I’m no art collector, but damnit I would love to own an original Lisa Frank.

27. On life lessons:

What Bob Ross taught us is that you can have a good thing going (painting), mess it up with impulsiveness (giant tr…

28. On being a true fan:

Oh you love Metallica? Name three of their t-shirts.

29. On nailing the details:

Excuse me, this room temperature water, which I requested, is not the temperature of the room I had in mind.

30. On marketing schemes:

Hey everyone I wanna tell you about this great new product, Retox Tea. Some will point out it's only a bottle of whiskey. Quiet, haters.

31. On self control:

Notice: Due to um, foreseen circumstances, I will not be working out today.

32. On secret wishes:

Whenever there's a thunderstorm, I always have this secret little wish that the power will go out. That's like a trophy for storms.

33. On regimen:

I'm waiting for 3 minutes to feed my dog at 7pm sharp. Just killing time. Both of us. Staring at each other. This is who I have become

34. On emotional ghosts:

I was on Amazon choosing which address to ship to and ended up getting all emo about the streets and homes of past loves. I just wanted gum

35. On running a household:

Let's just admit that we have no idea which fruits go in the fridge and which don't so we can focus on not eating the fruit either way.

36. On impressions:

One hug is all it takes to make your shirt smell exactly like a person you barely know.

37. On efficiency:

I don't wanna talk on the phone but I'll trade voice notes with you for 90 minutes.

38. On self congratulating:

Someone shared some useless drama with me and I said "would you mind terribly if I didn't care?" and I thought it was a delightful burn.

39. On oral health:

When you're brushing your teeth and your toothbrush runs off the rails and up into your gums and rips half of your face apart.

40. On seeing things a little differently:

👌🏼👌🏼are these shrimp emojis? 👌🏼👌🏼are👌🏼you👌🏼still👌🏼sure 👌🏼these 👌🏼aren’t 👌🏼shrimp 👌🏼emojis? 👌🏼👌🏼

41. On working smarter, not harder:

If I were a social influencer I’d never buy groceries. I’d just post stuff like “Bounty really is the quicker picker upper” and then wait

42. On loving Migos as much as everyone else:

43. On expectations:

You’re always wrong when you think I’m high. Except the time I hacked my own account and tweeted about Fifth Harmony. You had that right.

44. On humble beginnings:

s/o to everyone practicing an instrument in their room tonight, pretending they’re on stage.

45. On taking action:

There is a brief moment that exists between deciding on a lifestyle change and enacting it. That moment, my friends, is Sunday night.

46. On knowing your worth:

Can you even begin to imagine the unbridled joy you’d feel if you really knew how loved you are?

47. On getting together with friends:

Them: “when are you back?” You: “next week.” (Week passes) You: “I’m back, let’s hang.” Them: “how long are you here?”

48. On dreaming big:

Every arrangement is edible if you try hard enough.

49. On safety:

I have seen my own death, and it is me taking a hoodie off while on a treadmill.

50. And finally, on knowing your limits:

Remember that you are perfect just the way you are, but you’ll never spell ‘bureaucracy’ right.

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