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    Sep 19, 2013

    21 Times You Need To Get It Together

    Do better!

    1. When you're a shark that runs from its problems instead of facing them head-on.

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    You'll never accomplish your dreams that way, shark.

    2. When you're medicine that doesn't take its job seriously.

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    Your blasé attitude is toxic to everyone around you!

    3. When you're a cow who's been hitting the sauce a little too hard lately.

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    Self-medicating is no way to live.

    4. When you're a bus who needs to grow the hell up and stop living in a fantasy world.

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    You'll never be a boat.

    5. When you're Jesus and you have some serious unchecked aggression.

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    You're gonna end up like your father, Jesus.

    6. When you're a lamp post that doesn't even try anymore.

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    Stand up and face the world, lamp. You can't go limp spaghetti on us every time you have a bad day.

    7. When you're spell check and you're severely under-qualified for your job.

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    Me'm not impressed with your life choices.

    8. When you're this lady and you went 80 years never pouring juice until this moment.

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    This is what happens when you let people do things for you your entire life.

    9. When you're Ralph, and you're either a real wise guy or exactly the opposite.

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    Seriously, Ralph? Seriously?

    10. When you're this rainbow, whose self-esteem never recovered from high school.

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    Embrace your flaws, rainbow!

    11. When you're the letter "W" and you think the English language revolves around you.

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    Such a drama queen. Or should I say a wrama wueen.

    12. When you're Tom, who has a way of pushing people over the edge.

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    Putting horror flicks in the kids section is funny for, like, five minutes. When will you get that, Tom?

    13. When you're autocorrect and you never grew out of your "class clown" stage.

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    And frankly I'm dossapoonted.

    14. When you're a boxer and your worst enemy is yourself.

    Allow yourself to succeed!

    15. When you're a bed living in the past.

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    Maybe you were a spaceship, bed. But you're a bed now. Accept it.

    16. When you're a mug that should have listened to your mother's advice more often.

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    Hope you're proud of the decisions you've made, mug.

    17. When you're a dog who partied too hard in college.

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    Those days are over, dog, and it's time to move on.

    18. When you're a sign who doesn't take responsibility for its own actions.

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    See where your friends are in a couple years, sign. They won't be standing next to you, that's for sure.

    19. When you're a washing machine who showed up drunk to work twice this month.

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    Where do you imagine yourself in five years? Apart from the gutter?

    20. When you're a goat who feels like the only time you get people's attention is when you're humiliating yourself.

    No one will respect you until your respect yourself!

    21. And Martha.

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    She never had a chance.

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