1.
First thing's first: WINTER IS THE WORST.
2.
Once it starts getting cold, you live full time under a blanket.
3.
And when people invite you to do ~fun winter activities~ you're like, um, no thank you very much.
4.
If you are forced into the outside world, you will never, ever look cute. You will look like a baked potato covered in bubble wrap.
5.
But it doesn't matter! Because no matter how much you wear you're always f r e e z i n g.
6.
Like you could literally be on fire and still be cold.
7.
So you spend your time living from heat source to heat source.
8.
And taking skin-scalding showers.
9.
And blowdrying your hair waaay longer than you need to.
11.
You feel lucky that the tights-under-jeans trend is catching on, because you'd have two frigid legcicles without that trick.
12.
Another trick: not shaving anything. Body hair = warmth!
13.
Cuz Lorde knows the second you shave, your goosebumps are going to sabotage you.
14.
Yes, the best defense is to stay wrapped in a sweater near a fire inside a house until April.
15.
Because it's 👏 not 👏 safe 👏 out 👏 there 👏.
17.
Slather on the chapstick.
18.
Stick your hands in a bowl of just-cooked mashed potatoes.
19.
And tell your loved ones you'll see them in spring.