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    18 Terrible Puns For Smartypants

    These are all mental punishment.

    1. A rubberband pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    2. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

    4. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    5. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."

    6. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

    7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    8. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a rootcanal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    9. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    10. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    11. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    12. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    13. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    14. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

    15. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    16. A good steak pun is a rare medium well done.

    17. A vulture carrying two dead raccoons boards an airplane. The flight attendant looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

    18. A backward poet writes inverse.

    Thumbnail image: Getty / JEWEL SAMAD