19 Signs You Live With Spine-Crippling FOMO

Miss a party? Over your dead body. No, literally. You would literally have to be dead to miss a party.


Anxiety that an exciting or interesting event may currently be happening elsewhere; abbreviation of “fear of missing out.”

1. You have nightmares about not being invited anywhere on the weekends.

You friends must be having such a good time that they forgot to include you!

2. Checking your social media accounts is like some sort of masochistic torture.

Look at all the fun people had. Without you.

3. Nothing drives you more insane than people telling inside jokes from a night you missed.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha stop.

4. It doesn’t mater if you’re exhausted…

6. Or financially incapable of going out…

You will pull it together and ~SoCiAliZe~

7. When a friend tells you they don’t feel up for going out, your brain melts.

Wait, but…that’s no excuse for not going out.

8. If you don’t go out, you imagine that this is the kind of thing you’ll miss:

There was a guy with a keytar?! How did you miss that!

9. (Even though this is what “going out” looks like 90% of the time).

Doesn’t matter how many nights of Wii Bowling you play in your friend’s basement. The day you decide to skip is the day Beyoncé shows up and you just can’t take those kinds of chances.

10. This is your biggest fear:


11. You have the texting finesse of an elven sniper.

Within five minutes you know exactly where each of your friends are at that very moment and none of them suspect a thing.

12. For you, being included has nothing to do with age…

13. Or general skill level…

14. Or superfluous qualifiers like, oh I don’t know, a baby.

Oh, this hang out is just for dads? Hold up, you can find a baby.

15. The only thing that matters is that you’re not missing anything, and you’ve taken photographs to prove it.

Does it even count as going out if you don’t document it?

16. Even when you’re already out with people, you like to make sure there’s nowhere else you could be.

Yeah, you’re having fun. But could you be having MORE fun???

17. You’re not afraid of being called a tag-along.

You’ll take tag-along over “Oh, you weren’t there that night!”

18. You may or may not have resorted to some questionable tactics to stay in the loop.

Is posting your phone number in public places bad form?

19. Because that’s better than doing this on a Friday night.

Unless that’s what everyone else is doing! Because in that case, you’re down.

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