1.
I was alive on April 20th 1969 and that's why I will always be cooler than you.
2.
3.
judge: I hereby sentence you to 68 years in prison my lawyer: your honor my client respectfully requests a year be added to his sentence
4.
if you're ever worried there's an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. if no one laughs, there's no one there
5.
I got in trouble at work for writing "nice" next to every 69 and had to cross them out
6.
Just did my taxes. Put $420.69 on every line and 5 IRS agents just showed up at my door with a keg, 3 strippers and giant foam fingers.
7.
I get it Bryan Adams. It was the summer of 69, but what year?
8.
If I had a dollar for every time I unnecessarily sexualized a sentence I'd have 69 dollars.
9.
Imagine if dogs didn't just do doggy style. They 69d and did dog missionary and sometimes choked each other etc. That would be adorable.
10.
most people think 4th base is the last base but if u rub doritos on a girls boobs that's 5th base. 14th base is 69'ing in a volcano
11.
blink 182 - Maroon 5 + 69 + 420 = 666
12.
the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers try to tell me that im dying
13.
Son, I'm thinking of a num- "69" *dad starts flailing his arms* SEE, HONEY, HE'S A GOD DAMN WIZARD
14.
I once had 69 points after five frames of bowling and deliberately guttered the rest, but please, tell me more about my "commitment issues."