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    If Regular People Were On The Oprah Winfrey Show

    [Oprah hands]

    1. "Oprah, I can't lie anymore. I don't like Chipotle."

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    2. "I still use an iPhone 4."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    3. "I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. I've been leeching off my ex-boyfriend's Netflix account for years."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    4. "Sometimes when my chip breaks in the dip, I just leave it in there and get a new chip."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    5. "If I poop after I take a shower I feel unclean all day long, Oprah. All. Day. Long."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    6. "One time I was using my phone in bed and I accidentally dropped it on my face."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    7. "I just came across a really cute baby picture of myself, but I can't post it on Instagram until Thursday."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    8. "...And Oprah, I poured myself a full bowl of cereal and then I realized. The milk. It went bad."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    9. "I hang my toilet paper the wrong way AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT, OPRAH! I AM FINALLY FREE!"

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    10. [Whispering] "Sometimes I don't wash my face before bed."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    11. "Just last night I couldn't open a bag of chips because my fingers were too greasy from the first bag of chips."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    12. "I pay for a gym membership but I haven't been in months. I know I should cancel it, but I like knowing that it's there."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    13. "I tell my coworkers I cook dinner every night but I'm really just heating up Lean Cuisines in the microwave."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    14. "The other day I napped so long that I had trouble falling asleep that night."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    15. "Sometimes I'm so comfortable in my bed that it takes a lot of effort to get up and turn off the lights."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

    16. [Jumping up and down on Oprah's couch.] "I LOVE THE VOICE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT."

    King World Productions / CBS Television Distribution

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