If Regular People Were On The Oprah Winfrey Show
"Oprah, I can't lie anymore. I don't like Chipotle."
"I still use an iPhone 4."
"I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. I've been leeching off my ex-boyfriend's Netflix account for years."
"Sometimes when my chip breaks in the dip, I just leave it in there and get a new chip."
"If I poop after I take a shower I feel unclean all day long, Oprah. All. Day. Long."
"One time I was using my phone in bed and I accidentally dropped it on my face."
"I just came across a really cute baby picture of myself, but I can't post it on Instagram until Thursday."
"...And Oprah, I poured myself a full bowl of cereal and then I realized. The milk. It went bad."
"I hang my toilet paper the wrong way AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT, OPRAH! I AM FINALLY FREE!"
[Whispering] "Sometimes I don't wash my face before bed."
"Just last night I couldn't open a bag of chips because my fingers were too greasy from the first bag of chips."
"I pay for a gym membership but I haven't been in months. I know I should cancel it, but I like knowing that it's there."
"I tell my coworkers I cook dinner every night but I'm really just heating up Lean Cuisines in the microwave."
"The other day I napped so long that I had trouble falling asleep that night."
"Sometimes I'm so comfortable in my bed that it takes a lot of effort to get up and turn off the lights."
[Jumping up and down on Oprah's couch.] "I LOVE THE VOICE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT."
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