woken up at an ungodly hour to squeeze in a run?cancelled plans with friends to go for a run?ran to an event in an effort to squeeze socializing and exercising into the same timeframe?kept clothes in your car or backpack just in case you were randomly inspired to run?not wanted to run at all but did anyway because you knew the guilt would be worse than the run itself?ran in the rain?ran in the snow?ran in the blistering cold?spent over $100 on running shoes?spent a significant amount of money on running accessories?thought to yourself "I'd rather be running right now" while doing something boring?ran twice in one day?felt a deep sense of shame after skipping a run?ran past midnight?ran while injured even though you knew you should have been resting?gotten unreasonably angry when someone referred to it as "jogging"?ran a 5k road race?ran a 10k road race?ran a half marathon?ran a marathon?ran an ultra marathon?tried to explain the joy of running to a non-runner only to feel like a giant tool when they stared at you blankly?experienced "runner's high"?been paranoid that the "runner's high" only exists in your memory and never actually happens during your run, and it's just your brain's sick, twisted way of keeping you from quitting running?had to trick yourself to go for a run by saying something like, "Well, five miles is only two and a half miles each way, and that's easy"?had to trick yourself to go for a run by promising yourself a reward, like an entire pizza, once you've finished?had to trick yourself to go for a run by pretending you were being chased by an actual threat, like a murderer or a dinosaur?had to trick yourself into going for a run by belittling yourself with thoughts like, "Well, Forrest Gump ran across the entire country, I can run ten frickin' miles."gotten unreasonably angry when a fellow runner passed you on the street so you quickened your pace just to prove that you were faster than them?had patronizing thoughts towards people who drive cars while running like, "Look at this guy. Driving his car like a frickin' car driver"?tried to get a friend into running only to have it ultimately ruin your friendship?gotten a blister so big you felt compelled to post about it on social media like new parents do with their babies?unintentionally donated a toenail to the running gods?thought for sure you were going to shit yourself during a run and didn't know what to do so you just kept running, praying, and sweating?felt really sentimental about throwing out a pair of running shoes and thought to yourself, "We've been through a lot together, old friends"?experienced a constant flow of negative thoughts while running, thoughts that made you sure you hated running/exercise/existence until you stopped running and realized, "Eh, running's not THAT bad"?been so sore after a long run it was hard to lower yourself onto the toilet?had to encourage yourself during a hard run by thinking things like, "You are not human. You are a machine. You have robot legs"?had grand thoughts during a good run like, "I bet I could run professionally. I should totally quit my job"?crushed a personal record only to be let down when your friends and family didn't throw an entire party in your honor?been so in the zone during the run that you forget who you are and transcended into a parallel dimension, mentally speaking?had elaborate fantasies where someone attempts to rob you, but you take off running, and they can't keep up because you're SO GOOD AT RUNNING?had elaborate fantasies where someone hands you a rare diamond that has to be delivered to the nearest museum in 45 minutes or the mayor will be shot and you're the only one who can get it there in time?had elaborate fantasies where bad men install a bomb into your heart while you were sleeping and you have to run for exactly 13 miles to diffuse it and you're like, "THANK GOD, that's exactly how far I can run"?been walking down the street and thought, "I wish it were socially acceptable to run places instead of walk because this is taking FOREVER"?pretended to be late for something just so you could run somewhere even though you're wearing work clothes?successfully snot-rocketed during a run and felt a strange sense of pride?ducked behind a bush or building to relieve yourself during a long run and felt absolutely zero shame?high-fived another runner because of the ~secret code~ between runners?FELT LIKE GOING FOR A RUN RIGHT THIS SECOND?
How Much Does Running Rule Your Life?
You hate running :(
Congratulations! You have a perfectly healthy relationship to running. Be thankful the cold stiff fingers of running aren't clamped around your still-beating heart...for now.
Wow. You have a problem. Running completely controls your life. I guess in the grand scheme of things, being addicted to running is a good problem to have, but dang. You're probably reading this on a treadmill right now, you psychopath.