1. A body spray canister:
Ahmed: Do you think he was trying to make his farts less stinky.
Erin: I wish, Ahmed. I wish.
2. A house key:
Erin: The key to his heart is really in his butt.
Ahmed: Listen. As someone who regularly forgets their key at home, this speaks to me.
3. A beer bottle:
Ahmed: I just want to know if this was a closed or open bottle and also why.
Erin: I am ashamed to admit I know what brand beer this is based on the shape of the bottle and now I can never buy it again.
4. A flashlight:
Ahmed: Ha ha ha was this guy trying to be a firefly for Halloween or something ha ha ha
Erin: It's like a reverse Fleshlight.
5. A peanut butter jar:
Erin: Ha, peanut BUTTer.
Ahmed: WHY WOULD YOU WASTE PB LIKE THAT
6. A teeny-tiny toy car:
Erin: He took "park it in the rear" too literally.
Ahmed: Vroom vroom.
7. A billiard ball:
Ahmed: Looks like the cue ball.
Erin: Well, now it's the butt ball.
8. A dumb phone:
Ahmed: Again. Why.
Erin: The butt dial to end all butt dials.
9. A pint glass.
Ahmed: That's one way to do your dishes, I guess.
Erin: How many of those did he drink before he was like, "I've got an idea."
10. A gun
Erin: In some states it's legal to carry a concealed weapon. They never specify how you have to conceal it.
Ahmed: This looks fake, but OK.
11. Spray paint
Ahmed: So '90s.
Erin: Whatever color that spray paint was, it's brown now.
12. A live shell.
Erin: I also like to live dangerously.
Ahmed: Nothing about this makes sense to me.
13. Another bottle, but with a fake hip:
Ahmed: I WISH THE PHOTO WAS FAKE TOO.
Erin: That's not how you drink that.
14. A bottle with a retrieval wire.
Ahmed: Ah, the best-laid plans of ass and men.
Erin: Never leave a fallen soldier behind, I guess.
15. A lightbulb.
Ahmed: I can't even look at this.
Erin: "Either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt, or his colon has a great idea." —Dr. Perry Cox, Scrubs
16. A tiny, but not too tiny knife.
Ahmed: ...I truly feel nauseous.
Erin: I bet that...cuts like a knife.
17. A Coffee Mate creamer lid
Ahmed: Just the lid, though. Can't taint the creamer.
Erin: Lol, "taint."
18. A dildo.
Erin: Fair enough.
Ahmed: Aight.
19. A. Dildo.
Erin: Honestly, these these are the least concerning.
Ahmed: So much variety!
20. A dildo and tongs.
Erin: Toss that salad, I guess.
Ahmed: This is fire. Give this dude an award.
21. A whole shampoo bottle.
Erin: "Whoops, I slipped a fell in the shower and landed on the shampoo bottle and now it's in my butt."
Ahmed "How else am I gonna cure my chronic butt dandruff?"
22. Aaaaaand a Buzz Lightyear action figure.
Ahmed: To infinity....
Erin: And butt-ond.
