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The Way Asparagus Grows Is Off-Putting And I Want You To See It

I am speechless.

OK, so you know what asparagus looks like, right?

Sommail / Getty Images

Like little green paintbrushes that you can munch on.

Now close your eyes and ask yourself, "Do you know how asparagus grows?"

Erin Chack, artist

Did you think it grew on vines?

Erin Chack, a visionary

Did you think it grew on trees?

Erin Chack, a better Picasso

Or maybe you thought it grew in lil' bunches? (Same.)

Erin Chack, the greatest painter to ever live

Well I've got news for ya, bubs. ASPARGUS GROWS LIKE THIS:

Lvenks / Getty Images

Like the arm of zombie punching through dirt!!!

Yeah, the spears just pop up like single ladies at a Beyoncé concert.

Stu120 / Getty Images

And if you let it keep growing, the spear will flower! IS THERE ANYTHING ASPARAGUS CAN'T DO?


Anka100 / Getty Images
  1. Should I get paid to write this shit?

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Should I get paid to write this shit?
    vote votes
    Yes! I learned something today.
    vote votes
    No, everyone knows how asparagus grows, you city bitch.