1.
Camel on the right: So... Camel on the left: No
2.
Seeing is so expensive if you're not born with 20/20 vision. $70/a month for contacts or $200 to $400 for eyeglasses. Meanwhile shorty over there is wearing non-prescription glasses for "fashion". Must be nice. Seeing for free and appropriating poor vision culture. 🤧
3.
main account vs private account
4.
Whenever I save the numbers of my female friends’ male partners in my phone, I use the Handmaid’s Tale model for their last names, so Anthony OfBianca.
5.
good work, everybody
6.
Other people steal their ex's hoodies; my friend stole her ex's printer..... what a smart move in this economy
7.
Bless me father for I have sinned, I keep singing the bare naked ladies. Priest: how long has it been since your last confession Me: it's been...
8.
I feel like this might be a bit much, even for East London
9.
My daughter started crying at the dentist office bc the dentist “is a boy” and the dentist said “sorry, there are no girl dentists at this office” & my daughter looked at me & said “why did we come here.”
10.
11.
my mum: why is your bed soaking wet me thinking about the 9 unsuccessful attempts to get the cat to drink water out of my cupped hands at 2am: i peed. that is pee
12.
RAINS INSIDE OF SUBWAY CAR; UNFAZED NEW YORKER CONTINUES TO EAT BREAKFAST SANDWICH
13.
my sister finally drank after 9 months of being pregnant and this is what happens😭😂😭 I am crying
14.
Next time someone tells you they want to have a more diverse writers room but they can’t find any women and POC, tell them Beyonce found TEN black women who play violin.
15.
If you listen closely you can hear me wheezing
16.
YES this is my real eye color🙄 they change 😌💖
17.
So I'm ready to be a mother so I go to petco and get Marvin and the next day I'm a grandma...
18.
someone: hi me: ur right i should skip class
19.
I literally can’t deal with my aunties anymore. This is entrapment.
20.
can’t stop laughing at this perfect facebook comment
21.
22.
someone called the police on my dog because he ran away and attacked a deer and i know this is serious but the sight of him in the cop car i’m alskdjfhsgh 😂😂😭😭 https://t.co/czZqzzc3x3
23.
Him : Send me a video of you twerking Me :
24.
“not all men are trash” you’re right. the Celestial Seasonings Sleepy Time Tea Bear would never treat me like this
25.
I'm never asking anyone out on a date again