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Everything In The Amazon Rainforest Wants To Kill You

So maybe don't go there.

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You've most likely heard of this place called the Amazon.

Brent Stirton / Getty Images

If you haven't heard of it, I don't recommend Googling it—it'll take you to a place that is dangerous for different reasons.

The Amazon is a rainforest in South America and it's big enough to be its own country.

Can you imagine how awesome the election for President of the Amazon would be? Jaguars running against monkeys and shit? And you thought American politics were cut-throat.


Don't let that fool you, though. Most of them would MURDER you in the FACE if given the chance. Like the jaguar. / Via Wild Amazon - NGC

That's the steely-eyed stare of a cat whose done some thangs he's not proud of.

Or the green anaconda, which slithers around the Amazon waiting to pop you like a zit.

And then it swallows your corpse in one bite, which is as scary as it is RUDE. At least chew my corpse.


Seriously, even the PLANTS in the Amazon would love the chance to end you.

This curare plant paralyzes your respiratory system but keeps your heart beating so that you suffocate to death while staying conscious until the last seconds. That's some serious Saw shit.

The craziest part is scientists estimate that a new species is discovered every three days in the Amazon.

So it's really anyone's guess what other toothy, clawy, poisony deathbeast is just chilling in there, waiting to gobble you up.

And despite all of this, PEOPLE LIVE THERE.

Remember that time you saw a spider in your apartment and you thought, "This is too much nature"? This guy WISHES all he had in his house were spiders.

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