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Nov 5, 2014

Are Your Subway Habits Normal?

I'm talking to you, pole-huggers.

Getty / Marlo Tama
  1. You see someone on the subway taking up several train seats, passed out. You:

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You see someone on the subway taking up several train seats, passed out. You:
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    Fear that person may be dead and try to wake them up.
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    Become filled with fiery rage. YOU could be sitting in one of those seats.
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    Have no reaction whatsoever; subway commutes have destroyed your soul.
  1. A young child is climbing all over you and touching all your stuff. You:

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A young child is climbing all over you and touching all your stuff. You:
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    Smile and wave. Aw, babies.
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    Shoot that demon child a vicious look and pull your belongings closer.
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    Tell the kid's parents to please control their child.
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    Move to another train car.
  1. Do you think pole-hugging should be considered a crime?

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Do you think pole-hugging should be considered a crime?
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    YES. There's NEVER an excuse to hug a subway pole!
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    Yes, but only in a crowded subway car.
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    Nah, everyone deserves the right to get comfy. We all paid the same fare.
  1. Someone nods off on your shoulder. You:

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Someone nods off on your shoulder. You:
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    Do nothing. It's been a long day, and hey, we all need some rest.
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    Violently shake that person off and shoot them a dirty look.
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    Lean farther and farther away in hopes that the person will realize and wake up.
  1. You notice the person next to you trying to take a peek at what you're reading. You:

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You notice the person next to you trying to take a peek at what you're reading. You:
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    Tilt what you're reading so they can't see it. So rude.
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    Do nothing. Who cares? It's not my diary.
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    Tilt what you're reading toward them a bit because you are a good person.
  1. Have you ever fallen asleep on the subway and missed your stop?

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Have you ever fallen asleep on the subway and missed your stop?
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    Never!
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    A few times, when I was really tired or drunk. Bummer.
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    At least once a month. I'M A MESS
  1. Someone is blasting really loud music next to you. You:

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Someone is blasting really loud music next to you. You:
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    Do nothing. Whatevz.
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    Dance.
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    Move to another train car.
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    Ask them if they can turn it down.
  1. What do you usually do to pass the time on the subway?

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What do you usually do to pass the time on the subway?
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    Listen to music or a podcast.
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    Read, write, or draw.
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    Sleep.
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    Sit in silence/stare at people.
  1. Someone's about to sit in something gross without realizing it. You:

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Someone's about to sit in something gross without realizing it. You:
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    Do nothing. Lol, sucks to be that person!
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    Alert them quickly before they sit down — you'd expect the same!
  1. You spot a pregnant or elderly person. You:

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You spot a pregnant or elderly person. You:
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    Offer your seat to them immediately. Duh.
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    Pretend not to see them, but give up your seat if you accidentally make eye contact.
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    Offer your seat to them only if they explicitly ask. You don't want to make any assumptions.
  1. Two people are taking up a three-seat space. You:

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Two people are taking up a three-seat space. You:
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    Ask them both to scoot over and squeeze your booty in.
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    Let them be. You don't want to annoyingly squish in between them.
  1. You spot a co-worker about to take the same train as you. You:

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You spot a co-worker about to take the same train as you. You:
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    Avoid eye contact at all costs. You're in no mood for chitchat.
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    Wave or smile, but that's it. You know you both want your "me time."
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    Walk over and strike up a conversation.
  1. What's the maximum amount of time you're willing commute on the subway from home to work?

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What's the maximum amount of time you're willing commute on the subway from home to work?
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    20 minutes
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    40 minutes
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    An hour
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    Whatever it takes for the most affordable rent
  1. Have you ever posted a Missed Connection?

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Have you ever posted a Missed Connection?
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    Yes! And the person responded!
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    Yes, but to no avail. :(
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    No, but I've thought about it after locking eyes with a hottie.
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    Lol, no way.
  1. Clipping or filing your nails on the subway: Yea or nay?

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Clipping or filing your nails on the subway: Yea or nay?
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    Gross! Neither is ever OK.
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    No to clipping; filing is OK.
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    Either is cool. It's just nails.
  1. How willing are you to squish yourself into a packed-to-the-brim train?

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How willing are you to squish yourself into a packed-to-the-brim train?
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    I do it every day! There's always a way to make room.
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    Unless I'm running late, I'll usually wait for the next one.
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    I don't care how late I am, I don't want anyone's junk brushing up against me. I'll wait until the next train.
NBC / Via youtube.com
  1. How often do you give money to panhandlers?

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How often do you give money to panhandlers?
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    More than once a month
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    A few times a year
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    Never
  1. When commuting home, do you stand at the part of the train where it will let you off closest to your stop's exit?

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When commuting home, do you stand at the part of the train where it will let you off closest to your stop's exit?
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    Duh! My time is a precious gift.
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    Lol I would have no idea where that even is.
  1. Have you ever braved the smelliest train car in the history of America just so you could get a seat?

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Have you ever braved the smelliest train car in the history of America just so you could get a seat?
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    Yup! Can't put a price on a seat, no matter how vile the stench.
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    No. I have self-respect.
  1. Have you ever hopped a turnstile?

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Have you ever hopped a turnstile?
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    Yeah, F the man! The MTA has stolen enough of my hard-earned cash.
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    Yes, but only after swiping my MetroCard didn't work and there was no attendant.
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    No way! I am a law-abiding citizen.
  1. Have you ever silently farted in a crowded train car?

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Have you ever silently farted in a crowded train car?
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    Duh! All the time. It's super freeing.
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    Once or twice, maybe.
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    No way! That's so gross.
  1. Have you actually considered visiting Dr. Zizmor just to say you met him IRL?

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Have you actually considered visiting Dr. Zizmor just to say you met him IRL?
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    Totally! He's an icon.
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    Nah.
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    I have actually met him IRL and it was glorious.