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1.A huggable ghost heating and cooling pad you can pop right into the microwave to haunt all your aches and pains away. It also smells like lavender, one of the most boo-tiful scents in the world.
2.A bedside smart phone vase that can't make the sound of your morning alarm any less irritating, but sure can make it look pretty. Plus now you can be the literal embodiment of waking up ~fresh as a daisy~.
3.A bathtub caddy that will turn your boring bathroom into a veritable spa. Pinot? Poured. Candle? Lit. Netflix? Queued. Now all you have to do is calmly explain to your loved ones that you live in a tub now.
4.A chic desk mat to tie your office space together and protect your desk from scuffs and blots. As an added bonus, all the colors are reversible, so you can change your desk vibe with the season.
5.A sparkling-wine saver that will keep your bubblies bubbling, so you can pop your prosecco any day of the week without worrying about wasting the leftovers.
6.A selfie ring light equipped with a tripod and cell phone holder to seriously elevate all of your content by making it look studio-level profesh. Whether you're posting a cheeky selfie for the 'gram or leading a full-on YouTube tutorial, this gadget's got your back (but, ya know, mostly your face).
7.A five-year journal that has you write one line a day, so eventually you can look back on your ~journey~ every time a year passes and see where your past self was compared to right now.
8.A "wine wand" to remove sulfates and histamines from your beloved Two Buck Chucks in as little as three minutes, potentially sparing you from migraines and mid-week hangovers. And as we all know, the wand chooses the wine-drinker.
9.A cozy weighted blanket that might help you sleep better at night if you deal with anxiety, restless leg syndrome, or general insomnia. To really tailor the experience, it comes in a bunch of custom sizes, weights, and colors depending on your perfect fit and feel.
10.A dual hairdryer and brush to dry your hair as you style it, and give your 'do so much volume and shine that everyone will be asking how on earth you had time to sneak in a full salon blowout that morning.
11.A pour-over coffee maker that takes the complication out of making the perfect cup, and will make the whole process of brewing it feel a lot more hands-on and personal. (Also important: pour-overs make for top-notch Instagram boomies.)
12.A bottle of Mike's Hot Honey, so you can add a pinch of sweet and a kick of spice to — well, just about anything. If you can dream it, you can hot honey it. (Pro-tip, though: drizzle it on grilled cheese.)
13.A lightweight vacuum that's a heavy hitter when it comes to cleaning — this sucker is designed to work on everything from carpets to shag rugs to hardwood floors. Plus, it comes equipped with three nozzles so you can use it for vacuuming all those hard-to-reach spots, too.
14.A shampoo scalp massager you can use in the shower to massage and exfoliate your scalp, so you can get all of the decadence of feeling like someone is washing your hair without physically going to a salon. Scrub your way to a fancier life!!
15.A chic blazer you can throw on with anything to instantly dress it up for work. Rolling into the office like, "I'm Kelly Kapoor, the Business B."
16.A minimalist geometric wine holder that you can either add to your bar cart's ~aesthetic~, or you can put anywhere in your space that could use a little understated flair.
17.A sunrise simulation clock to keep you from abusing your poor snooze alarm by gradually brightening up your room in the minutes before you're supposed to wake up. If Disney princesses get to wake up dappled in sunlight every day of the year, why shouldn't you?
18.A set of minimalist Harry Potter-themed earrings that will match even your most professional looks, and delight eagle-eyed fellow Potterheads who happen to spot them on your earlobes.
19.A set of adjustable desk shelves to organize your professional knick-knacks and trick your coworkers into thinking you have your life together.
20.A structured planner that does way more than keep track of your daily life — it also keeps track of your larger goals and aspirations, and gives you ways to more meaningfully track them without putting too much pressure on yourself.
21.A set of satin pillowcases – not only will it feel lovely on your skin, but it'll also create less friction for your hair, which may spare you those first ten minutes you spend every morning trying to find your face out from under the tangles.
22.A rechargeable electric lighter that is wayyy more cost-effective than constantly replacing gas ones, and is long enough to light up even your most well-loved Bath & Body Works candles without worrying about the flame being able to reach the wicks.
23.A Bluetooth shower speaker with a hook that attaches right to your curtains or a suction cup to stick it on your tiles, so you can wake yourself up to the majesty of Lizzo every morning the way nature surely intended.
24.A roomy, adjustable faux-suede purse with enough secret pockets to make it the bag equivalent of the Room of Requirement.
25.An adorable peekaboo mug you can keep on your desk at work. Not only will it make for an adorable conversation piece, but every time you guzzle coffee you'll have a surprise critter on your side rooting you through the 3 p.m. slump.
26.A set of magnetic bookmarks that will let you save your place while keeping your pages pristine, if you're in the Don't You Dare Dog Ear My Beloved Book camp. Plus, the array of colors mean you can match at least one of them to any given book's cover (extremely necessary to optimize the reading experience).
27.A power scrubber brush you can attach to a drill to take the effort out of cleaning and make a legit impact on all those surfaces you've been pretending not to notice the grime on for approximately too many weeks now.
28.A 40-pack of velvet scrunchies in so many colors that Rainbow Brite herself would feel faint beholding them. With these in your arsenal, you can rock a high pony that flawlessly matches your outfit every day of the week.
29.A city-themed candle that reps for the place you're missing most, because smelling "pine needles, lemon, and cedar meld with a hint of rhubarb and musk" is more cost-effective than booking a flight.
30.A heating pad to help your feet survive the endless tundra of winter, and comes equipped with automatic shut-off so you can go ahead and fall asleep with toasty toes in bed.
31.An Instax mini instant camera bundle that comes with film, so you can be That Friend at parties who chronicles all the cutest moments and then sticks them in a scrapbook that everyone will inevitably Instagram the pages of later (ashes to ashes, Instax to Instagram).
You basking in the glow of all these glorious things you deserve.
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