17 Cultured As Fuck Things To Do In London This Halloween

It's never too late for Halloween plans.

1. Spooky patisserie at Dominique Ansel.

Dominique Ansel

Look at this spooky lil guy. Sitting there on his lil chocolate mousse cake, all spooky. He's LITERALLY so cute that I could eat him up with a spoon. And once I'm done with him I'll move onto his friends, a lil jack o' lantern religieuse filled with blood orange jam and blueberry ganache, and a graveyard cake with salted butter cookie tombstones. Wow, that got dark quickly.

When: available from 27th to 31st October

Price: from £6

Location: Belgravia

Call 020 7324 7705 to pre-book

2. An Evil Moo burger at Mac 'n' Wild.

Instagram: @macandwild

As my mum is fond of telling me, the Scots just do things better. Which honestly seems true if this Halloween burger from Scottish restaurant, Mac 'n' Wild, is anything to go by. It's got a spicy pumpkin and tattie hash, harissa mayo, one beef burger and one venison burger. Sadly, it's not served flaming, the flames in the picture are metaphorical. Even the Scottish have to adhere to health and safety rules, friends.

When: 28th and 29th of October

Price: £11.50 for the burger

Location: Fitzrovia and Devonshire Square

Book here

3. Halloween cookie pizza at Blondies Kitchen.

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Halloween? Good. Cookies? Good. Pizza? GOOD. This little spot in Selfridges is doing a glorious Halloween-themed cookie pizza and I honestly don't know what there is to dislike about those three things. It's £30 for a whole one which isn't mega-cheap, but you can also buy by the slice. And what better way to spend Halloween than in a cookie-fuelled coma?

When: until 31st October

Price: £30

Location: Selfridges

4. Halloween Afternoon Tea at Conrad London St. James.

Conrad London St. James

The Conrad is Halloween-ising their usual afternoon tea, and it will be rife with the most adorable of spooky little bites, like the above skulls pops. I love Halloween, I love afternoon tea and I love extremely cute themed food, so this is the perfect trifecta for me.

When: 28th to 31st October

Price: £35

Location: Westminster

Book here

5. Pumpkin carving brunch at Drink Shop Do.

Instagram: @drinkshopdo

Carving pumpkins while having a champagne brunch is exactly the kind of Halloween fusion I'm talking about, dahling. Plus, did I mention it's BOTTOMLESS? Yes bitches, unlimited bagels, bloody marys and bubbles (or soft drinks and juices if you want). Because Halloween is 100% about getting drunk and equipping yourself with a knife and insisting you're fine, you can definitely carve this pumpkin, what do you mean you can't tell what it is, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL PUMPKIN RECREATION OF RICK AND MORTY, JESUS SUSAN, DO YOU HAVE EYES.

If you're less into carving and more into partying though, Drink Shop & Do are also hosting a "Netflix and Thrill" house party on the 27th.

When: 29th October

Price: £20 to £30 for the pumpkin carving class, Netflix and Thrill party is free before 10pm, £3 after

Location: Kings Cross

Book here

6. A Haunted House at Balls & Company.

Balls & Company

This one is two-fold. You can either book dinner at Balls & Company's "haunted house", which is a Halloween set menu that includes things like chargrilled octopus, squid ink gnocchi, polenta ghosts, "slime" filled Scream Puffs and raspberry worms with brownie mud. Cocktails are also included, and sound divine: there's a blood orange, mescal and tequila "Perfect Murder", a whisky, ginger and sweet vermouth "Root of All Evil", and a brandy, passionfruit, spiced rum and soda "Final Destination". I can confirm the food at Balls & Company is very delicious, so their themed-menu should be the perfect combo of creative but still tasty.

If you just like the sound of the cocktails though, you can buy a ticket to the bar downstairs for a tenner, which includes a drink and gummy teeth infused with vodka and blackcurrant.

When: 31st October

Price: entry to the bar is £10, which includes a cocktail, and the set dinner upstairs is £38

Location: Soho

Book dinner here and bar entry here

7. The Death Express at London Dungeon.

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London Dungeon may seem like an obvious choice for Halloween, but there's an extra reason you should visit this year – they've commandeered the Necropolis Railway and turned it into their "Death Express". Not heard of the Necropolis Railway? It's a line that ran from 1854 to 1941 to transport the dead and their loved ones to the cemetary and back again, and is possibly one of London's most spooky lines. It's being incorporated into the London Dungeon's usual run for a limited time, and you should definitely take the opportunity to go for a ride.

When: until November 6th

Price: tickets from £21

Location: Southbank

Book here

8. A spooky rooftop brunch party at Madison.

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When they say this is a "brunch" party, it's not brunch in the traditional sense of the word. Sure, you can still drink mimosas, wear your fanciest floppy hats and the rooftop terrace setting is as swish as brunch demands – but there'll also be a DJ, Halloween cocktails and canapés, costumes and a dance floor that will be lit until 6pm. It's the ultimate way to day party (and day drink, which is GREAT. You get a bit sloshed, pass out by 9pm and sleep through your hangover. Yes, before you ask, I'm extremely middle aged and PROUD OF IT.)

Also, the DJ for this will be Maya Jama who is cool as fuck. I follow her on Twitter, and I fully believe any party she's at will be automatically brilliant.

When: Saturday 28th October, 12pm - 6pm

Price: tickets from £25, which includes a welcome drink, canapés and bites

Where: St Paul's

Book here

9. Dark Serve ice cream at Four Winters.

Instagram: @fourwintersuk

But it's too cold for ice cream, I hear you say! NONSENSE. It'll be too cold for ice cream when I'm IN MY GRAVE, do you hear me? And also, this Halloween cone looks bloody amazing. The black ice cream is charcoal chocolate, blended with crushed cookies and popping candy, topped with toffee apple ghoul and tombstone meringues. Then there's cookie soil and raspberry "blood" sauce on top too. It's a Halloween ice cream dream cone, and I want it right now.

When: until 31st October

Price: from 5.95

Location: South Kensington

10. La Danse Macabre at The Curtain.

The Curtain

This is a great pick if you want a night that's a step above the average club night. A private members club, The Curtain has put aside a set number of tickets to their "Danse Macabre" Halloween party for non-members. It's a costume party that runs until 3am, and there'll be tarot card readings and a cabaret show, alongside other live entertainment. And at £30 for a live show, a cocktail, canapes and access to a swanky private party, it's not bad price-wise at all.

When: Saturday 28th October

Price: £30, which includes a welcome drink and canapes

Location: Shoreditch

Book here

11. Halloween cakes at Flavourtown.

Flavourtown

Ok, yes, I'm going to get this out the way. The cake is £50. There, I said it. I'M SORRY I KNOW THAT'S SO MUCH MONEY. But also, oh my god look at it. It's called the "Zombicorn" and has handmade Belgian chocolate bark, ghostly meringue kisses and flecks of raspberry blood. And come on, if you have £50 what would you rather spend it on? Sensible, practical things like a new pair of winter boots or a week's grocery shop? OR A BEAUTIFUL HALLOWEEN CAKE THAT YOU TAKE HOME AND EAT ALL BY YOURSELF WITH THE CURTAINS DRAWN. We both know the answer, friends. We both know.

If you don't have fifty quid to blow on a cake of dreams though, Flavourtown are also doing beautiful Halloween cupcakes, which I have included a picture of below. They're still not cheap at £20, but you *should* be able to share a box of cupcakes with someone which lessens the cost. If you choose not to share though you'll find no judgement here.

When: no end date yet

Price: £50 for the cake, cupcake boxes from £20

Where: Spitalfields

Pre-order here

Flavourtown

12. A Crazy Circus Party at Pop Brixton.

Pop Brixton

There are plenty of Halloween parties going on this weekend in London, but if you want something a bit different that won't break the bank, then Pop Brixton is your guy. Their Halloween party will have all the elements of any other good party; lots of people, dancing, copious amounts of drinking; but also has immersive circus performers, aerial artists and live bands. The acts include a Balkan band, a New Orleans orchestra and a "vaudevillian troop", and I'm not sure what exactly that means but I'm into it.

When: Saturday 28th October

Price: £5

Location: Brixton

Book here

13. Trick or Treat tipples at Plateau.

Instagram: @plateaucanarywharf

If you book dinner at Plateau this year, you'll also get complimentary pumpkin canapes and petit fours! There's also a special Halloween cocktail made with gin, butterscotch, basil and lemon (they had me at butterscotch), and a live DJ. It's not a full out dance floor and party, but if you want a little added spookiness with an otherwise nice dinner, this is a good choice.

When: 31st October

Price: £13 for the cocktail

Location: Canary Wharf

Book here

14. A Halloween Drag Queen dining experience at The Ivy.

Thy Ivy, The Ivy

The Ivy hosts a regular drag queen brunch (because why not), and is doing a special Halloween-themed dinner version this year. It's pretty simple: book in for dinner on Halloween, and you'll be privy to a spectacular rendition of The Rocky Horror Picture Show by Tiffaney Wells and Adora Dix, two champions of the Drag world.

There's also a pretty glorious "ghoulish" take on their famous chocolate bombe dessert, which features pumpkin, honeycomb, popping candy and hot treacle sauce.

When: 31st October

Price: starters from £5.50 and mains from £12.75. Chocolate Bombe is 8.50

Location: Soho

Book here

15. Ghostbusters and cocktails at One Aldwych.

Instagram: @onealdwychhotel

If you've got cash to spend this Halloween, then may I present One Aldwych. It's one of the major upscale hotels in London, and as such is *not cheap*, but if you've got those Halloween big bucks or are looking for a particularly lovely Halloween evening this year, they'd be my pick out of all the many, many expensive things to do in London. You can either go all out on their film night, which is a screening of Ghostbusters in their private cinema for £55. Which yes, is a lot, but that also includes a glass of champagne and a three course dinner in their restaurant afterwards. Added up, it actually feels like quite good value (cinema tickets are usually about £10 to £15, which means £45 to £40 for champagne and a full fancy hotel dinner, and THAT AIN'T BAD).

Or, if you want just a taste of Halloween fanciness, then they've got a spooky Macbeth cocktail on, made with gin, rosemary syrup, campari and champagne. At £16 it's at the upper end of the cocktail prices in London, but if you want a treat there are worse things to spend your money on.

When: 29th and 31st October

Price: £55 for the film and dinner, cocktail £16

Location: Covent Garden

Book here

16. A ghoulish cocktail tour with Death's Door Spirits.

designmynight.com

If you like cocktails and ghost stories HAVE I GOT THE THING FOR YOU. Ahem. Death's Door Spirits (very apt name there guys) is running a special Halloween-themed ghost walk that includes stops at three cocktail bars. The bars on the tour are excellent – City Social in particular is one of my favourite bars in the city, and has beautiful panoramic views of London. The tour is also great value, as you get three drinks, nibbles included. FYI, drinks at each bar are about a tenner a pop, so you're basically getting everything else on top for free.

When: Saturday 28th and Tuesday 31st October

Price: from £20

Location: East London

Book here

17. Burgers and a Halloween Bash at Dirty Bones.

Instagram: @dirtyboneslondon

Dirty Bones is doing a Halloween bash that will feature a live DJ until late. If you want to avoid Halloween entry fees, the best trick is to book into a good restaurant that's throwing a party – you don't have to pay for a ticket, and the food is delicious enough to know that you'd happily have dinner here any other non-Halloween night. But seriously, the burgers here are great. Their chicken burgers are a thing of beauty, and the mac 'n' cheese burger is the stuff of all your drunken fever dreams.

When: Saturday 28th October

Price: free entry, burgers from £9.50, cocktails from £8.50

Where: Soho, Shoreditch, Carnaby and Kensington

Book here