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32 Unbelievable Confessions About Masturbation

"The danger end of an 1885 Springfield Musket."

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We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the weirdest thing they've ever used to masturbate. Here are the ~innovative~ results.

1. A Harry Potter wand

Warner Bros

A *surprising* number of people said they used a plastic Harry Potter wand to make a little magic of their own.

"My Elder wand replica from the Harry Potter studios. There's now a small chip at the base of the wand." – Anonymous

2. A makeup brush

Instagram: @eceningunlugu

– Submitted by Anonymous

Those blending skills have more than one use.

3. A Nokia

Clive Darra / Via Flickr: osde-info

"Nokia phone on vibrate! Almost got it stuck when I clenched. Fortunately I've got an actual vibrator now and it's no longer a nightmare." – Anonymous

According to other submissions, any brand of phone will do, as long as it vibrates.


4. A pen

"My first experience with aided masturbation was with a Squiggle pen. Seriously. (To ease concern: No penetration was involved.)" – Anonymous

"A wiggle writer; one of those pens that produces little springy patterns as you write. It works by vibrating (hard), and the pen 'nib' is as big as a finger, so..." – Anonymous

"When I was younger I tried to use a pen as a dildo." – Charmaine Burfsee

5. A curling tong

Instagram: @swetlanapetuhova

– Submitted by Anonymous

One or two people used a straightener, but the curling tong was by far the more popular choice.

No matter the tool though, one message came through loud and clear: Make sure it is turned off before you put it anywhere near your private parts.

6. A banana

American Broadcasting Company

"I have used a few things in my time. Hairbrush handles, cucumbers, the neck of a wine bottle. The worst one for me was a banana. I didn't put a condom on it and it split inside me. Oh my gosh. The pain. Bananas HURT." – Anonymous


8. An electric toothbrush


"I used to have an old electric toothbrush that I would use with the handle of a hairbrush that was ridged. Worked pretty well to the point that this was my method for well over a year." – Anonymous


13. A Clarisonic

Instagram: @mpm444

"The handle from my Clarisonic. It vibrates. What else can I say?" – Anonymous


16. Deodorant

"When I moved to my first house I didn't remember the box my vibrator was in, so I opened the first box I found and I used a deodorant... Now sometimes I actually use that instead of my vibrator." – Anonymous

18. A Lolly

Tumblr / Via

"My friend bought me a penis-shaped lolly from the seaside, which I was extremely grateful for one evening." – Anonymous

"A friend of mine once used an ice lolly during sex and then described it to me as one of the worst experiences of her life. In agonising detail."

– Cara Ballingall


25. A lava lamp

Dean Hochman / Via Flickr: deanhochman

"I'm fairly boring when it comes to getting myself off, but my partner's list of teenage ... accessories is impressive, and includes the top of a lava lamp (which got pretty mangled in the process) and a zip – 'Closed, of course – I didn't want to give myself a clitoridectomy!'" – Anonymous

26. Crayons

Randen Pederson / Via Flickr: chefranden

"When I was first learning how to masturbate, I used a fat Crayola marker. But I still didn't have my first orgasm until years later, using a cone-shaped bottle of lotion." – Anonymous

27. A battery-operated manicure set

Tumblr / Via

"My grandma bought me a battery powered manicure set where you add the different heads to either buff the nail or push the cuticles back. I shamelessly used this without a head on to masturbate, before I was old enough or brave enough to to go to Ann Summers!" – Anonymous


28. A beer bottle

Bud Light

It didn't stop at beer. People have also used a bottle of wine, a bottle of Grey Goose, and a bottle of Bacardi rum to get themselves off.

"I was once so desperate I masturbated with a wine bottle." – madi0592

"A bottle. Which someone then drank out of the next day. Sorry not sorry." – Anonymous


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Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.