We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us the weirdest thing they've ever used to masturbate. Here are the ~innovative~ results.
1. A Harry Potter wand
A *surprising* number of people said they used a plastic Harry Potter wand to make a little magic of their own.
"My Elder wand replica from the Harry Potter studios. There's now a small chip at the base of the wand." – Anonymous
2. A makeup brush
– Submitted by Anonymous
Those blending skills have more than one use.
3. A Nokia
"Nokia phone on vibrate! Almost got it stuck when I clenched. Fortunately I've got an actual vibrator now and it's no longer a nightmare." – Anonymous
According to other submissions, any brand of phone will do, as long as it vibrates.
4. A pen
"My first experience with aided masturbation was with a Squiggle pen. Seriously. (To ease concern: No penetration was involved.)" – Anonymous
"A wiggle writer; one of those pens that produces little springy patterns as you write. It works by vibrating (hard), and the pen 'nib' is as big as a finger, so..." – Anonymous
"When I was younger I tried to use a pen as a dildo." – Charmaine Burfsee
5. A curling tong
– Submitted by Anonymous
One or two people used a straightener, but the curling tong was by far the more popular choice.
No matter the tool though, one message came through loud and clear: Make sure it is turned off before you put it anywhere near your private parts.
6. A banana
"I have used a few things in my time. Hairbrush handles, cucumbers, the neck of a wine bottle. The worst one for me was a banana. I didn't put a condom on it and it split inside me. Oh my gosh. The pain. Bananas HURT." – Anonymous
7. Mascara
– Submitted by Anonymous
No elaboration needed.
8. An electric toothbrush
"I used to have an old electric toothbrush that I would use with the handle of a hairbrush that was ridged. Worked pretty well to the point that this was my method for well over a year." – Anonymous
9. A PlayStation controller
– Submitted by Anonymous
Results were pretty evenly split between PS3 and Xbox 360 handsets.
10. Tickle Me Elmo
"When I was young, I used to use a Tickle Me Elmo. It was my first experience with vibrations." – Anonymous
11. A hairbrush
"The end of a hairbrush. Afterwards, I noticed a round circle cap at the end of it was missing. Found it a few days later and had to dig it out... 😶" – Anonymous
12. A spoon
"A spoon. Not the curvy end. Pro tip: Check it's not freezing first." – Anonymous
13. A Clarisonic
"The handle from my Clarisonic. It vibrates. What else can I say?" – Anonymous
14. A TV remote
– Submitted by Anonymous
Now you know why you can never find the remote.
15. A cucumber
– Submitted by Anonymous
The organic way to get off.
16. Deodorant
"When I moved to my first house I didn't remember the box my vibrator was in, so I opened the first box I found and I used a deodorant... Now sometimes I actually use that instead of my vibrator." – Anonymous
17. A snorkel
– Submitted by Anonymous
Everything's better, down where it's wetter, take it from me...
18. A Lolly
"My friend bought me a penis-shaped lolly from the seaside, which I was extremely grateful for one evening." – Anonymous
"A friend of mine once used an ice lolly during sex and then described it to me as one of the worst experiences of her life. In agonising detail."
– Cara Ballingall
19. A Cuban cigar
"I once used a Cuban cigar in a case as a makeshift dildo." – Anonymous
20. Ice
"Ice cubes. Still my favourite orgasms." – Anonymous
21. A bunk bed
"I used to rub myself against the steps on my bunk bed. My sister slept on the top bunk and used the steps daily." – Anonymous
22. Barbie
"I first discovered masturbation when I was 12, and among my early experiments was using the legs of a Barbie doll...." – Anonymous
23. A screwdriver
"I once used the handle end of one of my dad's screwdrivers. After I used it I put it back in his toolbox." – Anonymous
24. A teddy bear
– Submitted by Anonymous
Childhood = ruined.
25. A lava lamp
"I'm fairly boring when it comes to getting myself off, but my partner's list of teenage ... accessories is impressive, and includes the top of a lava lamp (which got pretty mangled in the process) and a zip – 'Closed, of course – I didn't want to give myself a clitoridectomy!'" – Anonymous
26. Crayons
"When I was first learning how to masturbate, I used a fat Crayola marker. But I still didn't have my first orgasm until years later, using a cone-shaped bottle of lotion." – Anonymous
27. A battery-operated manicure set
"My grandma bought me a battery powered manicure set where you add the different heads to either buff the nail or push the cuticles back. I shamelessly used this without a head on to masturbate, before I was old enough or brave enough to to go to Ann Summers!" – Anonymous
28. A beer bottle
It didn't stop at beer. People have also used a bottle of wine, a bottle of Grey Goose, and a bottle of Bacardi rum to get themselves off.
"I was once so desperate I masturbated with a wine bottle." – madi0592
"A bottle. Which someone then drank out of the next day. Sorry not sorry." – Anonymous
29. A 1885 Springfield musket
"The danger end of an 1885 Springfield Musket (it was during my re-enactment years)." – Anonymous
WOW.
30. A lightsaber
"I once masturbated with a toy lightsaber, and jokingly said (to hype myself up), 'The Force is strong in me.'" – Anonymous
31. Balloons
"When I first discovered masturbation, I used to blow up the balloons that you could make animals out of and use them as makeshift dildos." – Anonymous
32. A Boyzone action figure
"A Boyzone action figure. It was Stephen Gately." – Anonymous
Here is a chart to show the most popular items. Spoiler alert: You may want to rethink borrowing that pen.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
