We hope you love the products we recommend! Just so you know, BuzzFeed may collect a share of sales from the links on this page. Oh, and FYI — prices are accurate and items in stock as of time of publication.
1. A bluetooth-connected couples' ring with beautiful curves and contours that make it look like it could control those smart window shades you installed.
2. A rubber ducky vibrator for a lil' bath-side decor you should probably hide when your nephews come over to hang out.
3. A ~love~ wall art kit so guests can marvel over the fruits of you and bae's intimacy like a Rorschach test.
4. An eggplant vibrator to marry your love for dirty texting and clean eating in an object that looks like a kitchen accent.
5. A glass dildo your Nana will wish you'd bought BOGO so she could place one at the entrance of her Dickensian Christmas village she keeps up October through February.
6. A trio of hot-drip bondage candles you can keep in pretty holders 'til it's time to use them.
7. A rose quartz wand that might just speak directly to your heart chakra, but will definitely pair well with your growing crystal collection.
8. A mini shapely massager available in a few fun color combos to fit your playful interior aesthetic as a seemingly open-ended objet d'art.
9. A Motörhead rocket dildo to fill a void in your collection of band merch.
10. An oral sex stimulator as the perfect addition to your styled bookshelves. Now you can finally say that you own something that won a Cannes Lion award!
11. A heart-shaped riding crop — they're cheap enough to buy a dozen of them and put 'em in a cute vase. They'll be useful for much longer than a bouquet of roses.
12. A vibrating wand someone may mistake as a smart lightbulb, so don't stash it with your spare bulbs.
13. A glow-in-the-dark cock ring for an adult version of those stars you stuck on your ceiling as a kid.
14. A dapper clitoral stimulator in black tie your aunt will probably try to hook up to her Neil Diamond Spotify playlist.
15. A vibrating couples' ring that could blend in perfectly with the rest of your minimalist Swedish home finds.
16. A prostate and G-spot vibrator with a prismatic curve that'll leave you breathless *and* look amazing as part of a minimalist table vignette.
17. A cactus dildo as a faux succulent you know won't die on you.
18. A dainty flower the uninitiated could assume is a spelling bee ribbon, but *actually* unfurls into bondage ties.
19. A pair of nipple suckers that might just get mistaken for a pair of modern salt and pepper shakers.
20. A red jasper massage wand with properties of vitality and endurance in a sleek package that you'll wanna Insta. (While not in use, obviously.)
21. A frisky feather duster to tickle your fancy and leave out as an elevated cleaning tool.
22. A pair of tasteful kegel balls that can pass for those decorative marbles you buy en masse and place in a bowl on your coffee table.
23. And a festive door hanger that's *actual* home decor but can help you out in the bedroom, too.
Reviews have been edited for length and/or clarity.