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23 Stories From People Who Really, Really Suck At Flirting

Anyone who doesn't appreciate your velociraptor impression isn't worth your time, tbh.

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We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us some of their most awkward and embarrassing flirting experiences. Here are some of their hilarious, shocking, and downright humiliating responses...

2. "My brother in law was once flirting intensely with this girl at a bar for about two hours... He got her number, left the bar, and two days later he ran into the same girl. At a family reunion. Because she was his cousin."

Submitted by brittneyc4098ea4cd.

3. "I was chatting to a hot guy at a party... We were talking about our heritage and he told me that his family was Peruvian. Without skipping a beat, I said, 'Where's Peruvia?' For the record, I absolutely know where Peru is and that there is no such place as Peruvia. It was one of those moments when, as the words were coming out, I was already trying to put them back in."

Submitted by Kim Mackay, Facebook.

4. "A few years ago, I was walking down the street when I happened to exchange glances with a rather beautiful man. He smiled at me, so I smiled back. As he got closer to me, he looked at me again and said in a very friendly tone, 'Hi! How are you?' So I replied, 'I'm fine, thanks, and you?'... And that's when I noticed the Bluetooth earpiece."

Submitted by Caroline Cole, Facebook.

6. "I was having a bad day at work a few weeks before Christmas and decided to escape to an Italian eatery nearby... While I was waiting for the really handsome waiter to take me to my seat, I decided to lean against the wall and do my best to look as hot and casually disinterested as I could. In doing so, I knocked over a Christmas tree near the entrance of the restaurant... The tree also happened to be connected to a garland that ran around the entire restaurant. The garland slowly started to disconnect from the wall and, like some hellish Christmas slinky-dominoes fusion, it fell down around the entire restaurant while the server and I stared at each other. I decided to get a glass of wine with lunch."

Submitted by Tee Johnny, Facebook.

7. "When my boyfriend and I first started dating, we were making out and I tried doing this sexy leg kick. I ended up kicking him in the face and gave him a bloody nose."

Submitted by angelm4e2fe89f0.

8. "I met a guy on a night out and as I was leaving, I awkwardly hugged him just as he went in for a kiss. He said he liked awkward, and I replied, 'If you like awkward, you're gonna love me!' I then turned around and slipped down the set of stairs outside his house. It was our 3-year anniversary in July."

Submitted by LivCK.

9. "I met my neighbour one night when our building's electricity went out. We spent the entire night talking and flirting, and eventually it became very late and both of us needed to go to bed for work in the morning. He hugged me and I said, 'Well, if you ever want to hang out, just come knock on my window or whatever...', like some idiot with no concept of dating. He looked at me like I had five heads, but was somehow still interested enough to ask for my number. That man is now my husband."

Submitted by lucylou91.

11. "I was on a retreat with my church group, and it was a six-hour drive to get there, so we stopped at Wendy's and I got a Frosty. I was sitting in the back of the van, and this guy was sitting in the seat in front of me when he turned around to talk to me. He said something that I thought was funny and I spit my Frosty ALL OVER HIS FACE."

Submitted by lilyw4ce6ee300.

12. "I was working as a cashier, and this cute guy came in and ordered a vanilla milkshake. Trying to suggest that he was 'a classic', I said, 'You know you can tell a lot about a person based on which milkshake they order!' His response was, 'Are you calling me plain and boring?' I haven't attempted flirting since..."

Submitted by coolchef1234.

13. "I was walking home and saw my crush in front of me walking with a friend of his. I decided I'd be all cute and run past them, turn my head, and smile. As soon as I passed them, I let out a couple of pretty loud farts... I was hoping they didn't notice until I heard his friend ask if I was farting..."

Submitted by camillem480e945df.

15. "I used to work as a fishmonger and when I started my new job a cute guy came in. We got talking and when I mentioned what I used to do, he said, 'No wonder you changed jobs!' I responded, 'Yes, but now I've got nothing to blame the smell on.' He abruptly left without buying anything, while I shouted after him, 'I don't smell like fish... I can prove it!'"

Submitted by TillyDoll.

16. "I was hitting on a cute cashier at American Eagle, and he noticed my Marvel shirt and asked who my favorite Marvel character was. My response was 'the whore'. I tried to combine The Hulk and Thor..."

Submitted by potat0.

17. "It's a well known fact that I'm attracted to tall guys, so I was extremely happy when I saw a 6'9" guy smiling at me when I was at Wendy's one day. I was so happy that as I began to return his smile, I tripped over my own shoes and hit my face on a sign. Needless to say, numbers were not exchanged."

Submitted by annakas.

19. "I was at my crush's house, trying to get up the courage to make some more flirtatious moves. He started telling me some funny (but not that funny) jokes and, being the professional flirt that I am, I tried to lightly smack his chest...and ended up whacking his junk. He cried out in pain – needless to say, there wasn't a second date."

Submitted by hollyb31.

20. "I was walking down the main street in Manchester when I made eye contact with a man who had clearly been crafted by Jesus. I then walked into a pole. He laughed so hard, it still haunts me to this day."

Submitted by Ben Henry.

21. "I once tried to impress a German man, whilst admittedly quite a bit drunk, by telling him that I used to study German. When he encouraged me to speak to him in German, all I could remember how to say was 'just a little bit' and 'slowly please', like a tentative sex scene."

Submitted by mikeya432719553.

22. "I pulled a piece of scrap paper out of my bag to give my number to a guy on a train... He texted me later to say thanks, and asked if I realised that I'd written my number on the receipt for my bikini wax..."

Submitted by Kelly Pearson, Facebook.

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