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    May 17, 2020

    The First Episode Of "Gossip Girl" Did Not Age Well, To Say The Least

    XOXO, problematic teen storylines.

    I love Gossip Girl — Blair Waldorf is one of my style icons — but I'm also aware that the show had some moments that ranged from suspect to totally bonkers.

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    Like wut.

    Ever since the TikTok youths have been watching GG and providing hilarious commentary, I thought to myself, Huh, when was the last time I watched the pilot?

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    Turns out, it had been a while.

    So what better time than now to rewatch the first episode of Gossip Girl and see how it holds up?

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    Spoiler alert: not well.

    Without further ado...

    OK, right off the bat, Serena van der Woodsen arriving at Grand Central Station to the tune of "Young Folks" by Peter Bjorn and John was a cultural reset.

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    IDK who's more uncomf at Rufus asking his kids about their mother taking him back — the audience or a pre-emo Jenny Humphrey.

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    Lesson number one on how to NOT parent your kids: this.

    What, pray tell, was the point of this party that Eleanor was throwing in her home?

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    Ah yes, to subtly criticize her daughter while simultaneously showing her off to her fashion colleagues.

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    Lesson number two on how to NOT parent your kids: this.

    Chuck...is deadass...drinking hard liquor...with parents in the other room. I...OK.

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    Early primer for Dan being Gossip Girl.

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    Love the casual Smallville ad. #CrossPromo

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    My goodness.

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    Chuck creeper count: 1.

    "A prescription drug problem." Aim high, Chucky boy.

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    I wonder if Serena charged that underaged martini to her hotel room.

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    Chuck just casually watching his friends have sex...

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    Chuck creeper count: 2.

    ...AND THEN Chuck trying to force himself on one of his aforementioned friends.

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    Chuck creeper count: 3. Chuck should go to jail count: 1.

    Don't you just love when your parents force you to date a girl to further their careers?

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    Lesson number three on how NOT to parent your kids: this.

    Eleanor Waldorf: mother of the year, everyone!

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    I've lost track of how shitty these parents are.

    Chuckolas Bass is the scum of the Earth.

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    Chuck creeper count: 4. Chuck should go to jail count: 2.

    "It's a party. Things happen." I cannot make this up, folks.

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    Chuck Bass, the creep and the criminal, ending this episode with a thinly veiled threat is, unfortunately, on brand.

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    Because Serena's in the wrong for stopping you from sexually assaulting Jenny only a DAY after you tried to assault her. Right.

    In conclusion, the parents are trash, the morals of these kids are shady at best, and Chuck Bass belongs in prison...and yet, I kept coming back for more, week after week.

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    I can't believe my mom let me watch this show as a kid.

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