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    I Watched "The Bachelorette" Last Night So You Didn't Have To

    And that's what you missed on Bach!

    Helloooo, Bach Nation! Welcome to your sixth installation of Bach in a Bite: The Official Bachelorette Recap.

    Graphic that says 'The Bachelorette Recap: The Roses, The Thorns, And Everything In Between'
    Charlotte Gomez / BuzzFeed

    If you missed last week's episode, you can catch up in a jiffy here.

    Now, this isn't meant to be a two-hour affair, so let's jump right in, shall we?

    Tayshia's group date started with a "grown-ass man challenge," hosted by none other than Ashley I. and Jared:


    Our winner is *drumroll* Harvard Bennett!

    Bennett and Tayshia in bed eating breakfast

    Even though he failed the math, spelling, and physical challenge, Bennett pulled through in the "breakfast in bed" challenge.

    The man-child award went to *drumroll* Ed!

    Ed holding a plastic baby

    Don't come for Ed and his son Carlos ever!

    During the cocktail hour, Bennett and Ed confronted Chasen about his ~intentions~ and if he was here for ~the right reasons~:

    Chasen's suitor confessional

    Chasen aka Wolverine tried — you know what, I can't even finish this sentence because I cannot take an adult man who actually thinks he's Wolverine seriously.

    However, this is The Bach, so what would the season be without one suitor calling another suitor out during one-on-on time:

    Ed talking to Tayshia

    But the joke's on BOTH of them, because Ivan got the date-night rose on the group date:

    Ivan tells Taysia he'll accept the rose

    I wholeheartedly support this decision.

    Fast-forward to the cocktail party. Chasen decided to address the rest of the men and admit that he did describe Tayshia and Clare in similar ways, but now he's only using one phrase to describe Tay from now on:


    My exact reaction when he had the gall to say that out loud to a group of men dating the same woman:


    Wolverine, keep some claws to yourself.

    Tay and Zac C. had a MOMENT during the cocktail hour. Zac C. was talking about how he's ready to be a partner, a husband, a father, and Tayshia asked if it's because the other suitors are saying the same thing, and he had the hottest response:


    When I TELL YOU I had an audible yet incoherent reaction, I am telling the truth.

    But the Chasen/Ed drama continued well into the evening...however, at the end of the day, they both got roses:

    Ed and Chasen standing next to one another at the rose ceremony

    I cannot WAIT to see them duke it out on the infamous two-on-one date.

    Jay, Montel, and Peter were sent home. A fallen petal for our fallen suitors:

    Walt Disney Studios

    The next group date involved the suitors getting oiled wrestle one another, because mess:

    Brenden and Jordan fighting in the wrestling ring

    And joining Chris Harrison was none other than Wells Adams, the world's best bartender:


    Clearly the whole point of this exercise was to get Chasen and Ed in the ring, but due to a past injury, Ed could not participate. But have no fear! Noah the 'Stache is here!

    Noah hopping the fence

    Cinematic parallels:


    The other suitors were NOT pleased when Noah the 'Stache got invited to their post-date cocktail hour, even though he was not invited on the original date:

    Noah getting invited to the cocktail hour

    You snooze, you lose, boys.

    Like, Noah not only FOUGHT for Tayshia, he SHAVED for Tayshia:

    Noah with a shaved face

    Not too shabby, Noah.

    Needless to say, he swooped in, took the date-night rose, and the other suitors were NOT pleased:

    Tayshia presenting Noah with the date night rose

    Aaaannnnd, that's what you missed! Tune in next week — and the rest of the season — for the roses, the thorns, and everything in between!

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