I carry a Sharpie with me so I can sniff it when I stress. My bra size remains the same no matter how much weight I gain or lose. I will kick your ass six ways from Sunday if you dare to play Trivial Pursuit: 90s Edition with me. It took a Master's in religion, a 75-page thesis on a pop culture Christ-figure, and a stint in the United Methodist Candidacy for Ordination program for me to understand I'm a humanist at heart. I have more degrees than a pot of boiling water, which makes me unemployable in Arkansas. I eat a bowl of steel cut oats every morning for breakfast and drink a glass of buttermilk every night before going to bed. When I get nervous, I quiz myself on world capitals. I watch too much television. I'm okay with all that.
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