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25 Tips For Faking Your Way Through An Oscar Party

Haven't watched the movies? No worries, you got this.

Let's start with this one.

1. Mention how Leonardo DiCaprio has been robbed too many times, and that this is his year.

2. Start a heartfelt conversation about your first drug experience.

3. Point out that Jonah Hill's role in The Wolf of Wall Street required him to put back all the weight that he lost before Moneyball.

Moving right along...

4. When someone brings up Lupita Nyong'o's amazing performance, add that she's also ridiculously gorgeous on the cover of W Magazine.

5. Bring up the conspiracy surrounding this Italian movie poster:

6. Learn how to pronounce Chiwetel Ejiofor's name properly and then say it repeatedly in conversation.

Next!

7. Complain that you didn't see enough of George Clooney in Gravity.

8. Make a snarky comment about how Sandra Bullock could never meet the physical requirements to be an astronaut.

9. Point out that the making of Gravity was more enthralling than the movie itself.

And now...

10. Tell everyone how great Matthew McConnaughey is in True Detective.

11. Start the argument that Matthew McConaughey could quite possibly win an Oscar before Leonardo DiCaprio.

12. Mention that everyone was just a little too thin for your liking in Dallas Buyers Club.

Onward!

13. Mention that you really related to Her because you sometimes say goodnight to Siri.

14. Point out that before Scarlett Johansson became the signature voice, some other woman recorded those lines.

15. Gush about the awesomeness that is "The Moon Song" by Karen O.

OK then. Next is:

16. Point out that Jennifer Lawrence dances in American Hustle, so it's bound to win something.

17. Praise the miraculous physical transformation Christian Bale went through for American Hustle.

18. Start a deep conversation revolving around the significance of Bradley Cooper's hair.

Moving on.

19. Admit that you think Keith Richards was a scarier looking pirate.

20. Claim that movies based on true stories get preferential treatment from the Academy.

21. Argue that Captain Phillips should win if only to give Tom Hanks a new hood ornament.

Next:

22. Talk about how Saul (Bob Odenkirk) is in this movie. Then start a full conversation about Breaking Bad.

23. Bring up the road trip you're planning with one of parents.

24. Mention that a black and white film won in 2012, so Nebraska has a shot.

Finally...

25. None of your friends saw this movie. If they did, they will only bring it up to be pretentious film nerds.