18 More Libertarian Problems

H/T to Benny Johnson, whose incessant whining inspired this list.

18. When you realize that adopting the gold standard would be a terrible idea.

Not only would it not make the economy more stable, it would cause a global economic meltdown that would make the Great Recession look cheery by comparison.

17. When you realize that, in a libertarian utopia, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 wouldn’t exist.

Businesses could freely discriminate against potential employees based on the color of their skin.

16. When you wonder what living in a libertarian world as a woman would be like.

Without the Pregnancy Discrimination Act or Equal Pay Act of 1963, American women would enjoy less pay for the same work, assuming they were allowed to work at all.

15. When you think about what being a kid would be like if the libertarians got their way.

Without FDR and the Fair Labor Standards Act, which libertarians despise (they despise the entire New Deal, which lifted the U.S. out of the Great Depression, actually), child labor would be common practice. Libertarians love the sight of tiny, crushed hands and tiny, crushed hearts.

14. When you consider that in a libertarian utopia there would be no laws to prevent your employer from firing you at any time for any reason or no reason at all.

Not much to say about this one. It would just suck, is all.

13. When the poster-boy of your movement is a big ole’ racist.

Seriously, dude hates black people.

12. When you realize that the “tyranny of government” wouldn’t disappear in a libertarian world, it would only be replaced by the tyranny of private entities.

Such entities are often capricious, arbitrary, and undemocratic.

11. When it hits you that libertarianism as a political philosophy exists for rich white people who want to feel less guilty about how rich and white they are while simultaneously doing nothing to improve the lives of the less fortunate.

“I just worked harder than you. The fact that my family is wealthy has nothing to do with my success.”

10. When you look around and notice that all your friends are white men, just like you.

It’s just statistics, bro.

9. When you learn that Ayn Rand was a hypocrite.

She applied for Social Security and Medicare, despite the fact that she railed against such programs her entire life.

8. When you learn Friedrich Hayek did the same thing.

Sad but true.

7. When you finally realize that free markets are not impartial forces of nature.

The best don’t always rise to the top, regardless of whether or not governments intervene in free markets.

6. When you remember that you’re responsible for the Tea Party.

Yup, you guys suck.

5. When you discover that the Koch brothers, the biggest financial supporters of Libertarian candidates, are also climate change deniers.

That’s embarrassing.

4. When you learn that welfare states are awesome.

On average, they have happier, healthier citizens than non-welfare states. So much for a “road to serfdom.” More like a road to surfdom!

3. When you think about how privatizing all public functions is a terrible idea.

Because A) governments are just better at some things than for-profits, B) unprofitable but necessary services wouldn’t get done, and C) imagine if every cop was a mall cop.

2. When you remember that the free market has historically been unable to solve basic market failures.

For-profit entities don’t have a great track record with things like air pollution, overfishing, and workplace accidents.

1. When you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and probably see something like this:

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