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1. An essential oils diffuser locket necklace to change the question, "What is that smell?" from the beginning of a nightmare to the beginning of a Perfume Parlay.
2. A four-pack of Miyazaki-themed socks to begin a debate on whether or not No-Face is an avatar of hedonism with just a flash of your ankle.
3. A screaming goat figurine with a tree-stump button that makes this little Billy bleat, so the question, "What is that and why do you have it?" can start a fine friendship.
4. A coffee-table book that offers a harrowing perspective of Earth, so you and your house-guests can consider what we, as a species, have done to this planet and whether it was worth it.
5. Or a coffee-table book of submerged furballs to lighten up the mood after a round of Big Talks, because everyone can share a chuckle over some waterlogged dogs.
6. A pair of officially-licensed Harry Potter earrings to signal to fellow Potterheads, "Yes, I too want to talk about the horrible names Harry gave his children."
7. A party game that ruins your social-media career while bonding you with the people playing you're playing with, because few friendships are stronger than the ones you start with shared embarrassment.
8. A tasseled crossbody bag for anyone willing to discuss the finer things in life. "Excuse me, where did you get that bag? And, are you *perhaps* a young and beautiful heiress on holiday?"
9. A kit with new date-night ideas, if you and your hubby's routine of, "I don't care where we go. Where do you want to eat?" is leaving you starved for conversation.
10. An online beginner's Spanish course that teaches you useful phrases and words to *drastically* increase the number of potential conversation-partners you can find offline.
11. Or a Spanish phrasebook when the conversation you really need to have at this moment involves the location of el baño.
12. A dinner-party game with 135 thought-provoking questions to take all the pressure off anyone who isn't comfortable starting conversations in a group-setting.
13. A retro pleated skirt that comes in a variety of prints worth exclaiming over, for when being subtle about your interest in dinosaurs and/or avocados isn't racking up the chatting-up.
14. A phone case with a sliding slot for card and cash storage so practical people will have to ask you where you got it.
15. Or a pineapple-shaped case so delightful you may as well keep it off your phone and just post pictures of it as your selfies.
16. A lunch tote that everyone will want to ask you about, but also gives them warning to ~perhaps~ wait until after you've had a bite to eat.
17. An origami unicorn pin to attract the attention of origami, unicorn, and Blade Runner fans.
18. A four-pound tub of Jelly Bellys you can use to fill a bowl near your desk and wait for a Jim Halpert to save you from your brutish fiancé.
19. An windproof umbrella big enough to share and turn you into someone's Knight In Drying Armor after a romantic shuffle through a monsoon.
20. A steel tentacle ring guaranteed to squeeze a few words from the fellow damned before the Kraken pulls you under.
21. A guide on effective communication and networking with real-life examples of what you should say and when you should say it.
22. A 20-count of all-natural lozenges you can offer anyone with the sniffles during cold/flu season.
23. A pair of non-slip sandals that inform everyone you're not just another fish in the sea, as you flop out of the dormitory showers.
24. An activated-charcoal whitening powder to make your smile shiny and approachable.
25. A lock-and-key diary so you can sort out your truest thoughts, because knowing yourself is the first step toward understanding another person.
26. A raw, vegan cookbook to help you bake a ton of decadent goodies people won't be able to stop talking about.
27. A Fenty Beauty 12-hour liquid lipstick you might end up becoming an unofficial spokesperson for, because so many people are going to ask what shade it is.
28. A party dress with pockets because, no matter where you say it, just uttering the sentence, "It has pockets," while wearing a dress will summon a person to ask where you got it from.
29. A travel pillow to impress your Flight Neighbor, though it might cost you the possibility of a friendship started by falling asleep and drooling on a stranger's shoulder.
30. A dad-ass t-shirt (you can buy with a matching hammer, while supplies last) to give to your dad in exchange for his Father of the Year acceptance speech.
Look at you, making an effort.
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