The first time you go on a date with a potential significant other is a great opportunity to see if they will either show signs of being a stable partner or major red flags.
We recently asked the BuzzFeed Community (as well as sourced from this Reddit thread) to reveal the first date "red flags" that indicate someone is just not the right person for them. People pointed out a variety of hints to be mindful of, such as the answers below:
1. "Insisting on going to a particular place or doing a particular activity. There was a guy who was determined we were going to dinner even though I kept saying I only wanted to do coffee or drinks for a first date. I ended up not going on the date at all, but coincidentally, he later dated a work colleague of mine, and she said he was incredibly controlling. He never stopped making decisions for her or telling her what she could or couldn't do."
2. "If they repeatedly mispronounce your name, even after you have corrected them. To me, it reads as, 'I don't think the things you say are important enough to remember.'"
3. "If they immediately want to kiss or have sex on the first date. It really shows what their first priorities are in the relationship and that it was all they’d been thinking about on the date."
4. "When they say, 'I want to take you out,' but cannot name a place and keep putting it back on you. Or when they say, 'I want you to pick.' I don’t find it endearing — I find it intellectually lazy and almost a trap. Are you trying to see if I’ll pick something super expensive? If someone can’t even make an effort to give you options or Google search for your FIRST date, what would a future with them be like? Are you always going to be the decision maker, the planner? No thanks."
5. "If the 'Do you want kids?' talk comes up, and you say no, then they start to try and convince you to change your mind. Sir, it’s a first date; you don’t know me at all. Why are you, a stranger to me, trying to convince me to change my mind about something like that?"
6. "This one is kinda specific, but one time, a guy opened his wallet to pay the bill and made a point to open his wallet wide enough to flash a wad of hundreds with a smirk on his face while looking me dead in the eyes. It was an instant turnoff for me. To think that all I care about is money and that it would impress me somehow. Impress me with your personality, sir."
—Anonymous, 23, Pennsylvania
7. "When a person tells a very obvious lie. I would think — to impress another person — fabrication is not the way!"
—Anonymous, 71, Florida
8. "Treating the date like a therapy session and venting about frustrations and/or oversharing about sad things that happened in the past. This lack of boundaries shows me that this person lacks self-awareness, and anyone who tries to date them will become their emotional punching bag. No thank you!"
—CC, 37, New Jersey
9. "I mean, just straight up misogyny and mansplaining. I once went on a first date where a guy talked incessantly about his career as a general contractor and then asked if I had knowledge about commercial contracts because I was 'lawyer-iiiish??' I'm a partner attorney at a commercial law firm. I just laughed, paid my tab at the bar, and left without a word."
—Elizabeth, 34, Minnesota
10. "If they insist on getting your address to come pick you up after you've already made plans to meet them there."
"If I wanted you to know where I live, I would tell you!"
—Sara, 30, Texas
11. "It’s got to be when they’re avoidant of questions that discuss the future, e.g., 'Do you want kids?' To me, it just signals that they aren’t interested in pursuing you at all; they’re just looking for a hookup with extended foreplay or something."
—Aimee Rosalind, 27, Illinois
12. "If they have qualities/views/quirks that you know you won't like six months into the relationship or have annoyed you in the past. Examples include: chewing loudly, doesn't support/believe in the same things as you, displays narcissistic or toxic traits. We look past these qualities in the first few weeks, and then we have an 'oooooh' moment."
13. "Maybe I'm too finicky, but pay close attention to the tone of their language toward you. As someone who is too familiar with toxic narcissists, they put on an act for as long as they can. So, if you're not careful, you won't figure them out until it's too late. But you may be able to catch a glimpse of condescension or questioning your thoughts or beliefs. They're usually not great at covering it up completely."
—u/KrissyCat12
14. "They don't ask you any questions and only talk about themselves."
15. "Showing up drunk, slurring words, acting sloppy, going into great detail about serious personal issues...basically a train wreck. It's a total red flag, but also, I feel bad for them because there's always a reason they're off-track."
—MD Zilla, 45, New Mexico
16. "Unless there's a major emergency or a legitimately valid reason (e.g., they have kids, are dealing with a sick family member, etc.), spending all of their time looking at their phone or constantly checking their phone [is a red flag]. It already shows you that they're not interested in you and don't value you enough to be present."
17. "When they ask you out but then expect you to pay for coffee/lunch/dinner or whatever activity you decide to do. And I don't mean splitting the check; I mean asking you to pay for the whole damn thing."
18. "If they show up late with no solid plans for your date — big, big red flag."
"Never, ever dismiss red flags like rudeness or having no interest in anything but himself."
—Anonymous, 61, USA
19. Lastly: "If they try to push your buttons or make you uncomfortable on date one, there shouldn't be a second date. It's not worth your time or energy."
—u/spockgiirl
What first date red flags signal that things won't work out? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.