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17 Tweets That Don't End The Way You Think They Would

I saw these going differently in my head.

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me: thank you for that glass of milk earlier sperm bank employee: what glass of milk me: the glass of milk that… https://t.co/DKwwEnzDVk

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[restaurant] date: what the fuck dude me: you said you liked horses horse: you did say that

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shoutout to guys who go out with you once and never talk to you again, but then like all your instagram posts for t… https://t.co/Kp88DjdhXw

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Condoms dont really guarantee full protection during sex. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got shot by the girls boyfriend.

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If I were a rapper my rap name would be "Gershwin" and I'd distribute my music exclusively on compact discs with bl… https://t.co/3CABQNCkTV

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THIS MAY BE THE BEST PLOT TWIST OF 2018 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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today has been upgraded from no memes to 1 meme

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Saw my ex working at McDonalds and she spit in my drink, acting like I'd be disgusted LMAOOO bitch I ate your ass t… https://t.co/r3DhZ6ebNG

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Man, this pet store review is bleak.

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7yr old: Mum, what happens if you eat lots of tinsel? Me: probably emergency surgery to prevent obstruction somewhe… https://t.co/zWlDlXwRIG

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My Jewish hip-hop a capella group has been getting a lot of meetings here in LA but they mostly end in disappointme… https://t.co/oUAOsyHscd

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*Red Lobster* Waiter: you may choose 1 from the tank Me: TO FIGHT? Waiter: what? No, to catch and eat Me: *mumb… https://t.co/RcabvIPcu2

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The first guess from one of my 1st graders was “death” and such an awed, somber, reflective hush fell over the clas… https://t.co/gP4YmJkvTY