1.
THIS IS MY FAVORITE GIF EVER
2.
me: thank you for that glass of milk earlier sperm bank employee: what glass of milk me: the glass of milk that… https://t.co/DKwwEnzDVk
3.
[restaurant] date: what the fuck dude me: you said you liked horses horse: you did say that
4.
shoutout to guys who go out with you once and never talk to you again, but then like all your instagram posts for t… https://t.co/Kp88DjdhXw
5.
Condoms dont really guarantee full protection during sex. A friend of mine was wearing one and he got shot by the girls boyfriend.
6.
Why can not I stop laughing at this
7.
If I were a rapper my rap name would be "Gershwin" and I'd distribute my music exclusively on compact discs with bl… https://t.co/3CABQNCkTV
8.
Hemingway ain’t got shit on this
9.
THIS MAY BE THE BEST PLOT TWIST OF 2018 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
10.
today has been upgraded from no memes to 1 meme
11.
Saw my ex working at McDonalds and she spit in my drink, acting like I'd be disgusted LMAOOO bitch I ate your ass t… https://t.co/r3DhZ6ebNG
12.
Man, this pet store review is bleak.
13.
A miscalculation was made.
14.
7yr old: Mum, what happens if you eat lots of tinsel? Me: probably emergency surgery to prevent obstruction somewhe… https://t.co/zWlDlXwRIG
15.
My Jewish hip-hop a capella group has been getting a lot of meetings here in LA but they mostly end in disappointme… https://t.co/oUAOsyHscd
16.
*Red Lobster* Waiter: you may choose 1 from the tank Me: TO FIGHT? Waiter: what? No, to catch and eat Me: *mumb… https://t.co/RcabvIPcu2
17.
The first guess from one of my 1st graders was “death” and such an awed, somber, reflective hush fell over the clas… https://t.co/gP4YmJkvTY