Response to What Do You Call Your Penis, Boobs, Or Vagina?:
Response to What’s Your Worst Poop Horror Story?:
After reading all of the funny poo stories, I felt compelled to share my unpleasant story of being an employee of a gas station… Picture it: I was 18 years old and an assistant manager at a convenience store. It was a fairly steady Friday morning and the story was filled with the usual customers filling up work vehicles and people heading to work. About 10 am, a car sped into the parking lot and screeched the brakes. I was busy checking someone out, so I acknowledged her quickly and continued. The lady was carrying a Walmart bag and in a hurry. I carried on with my usual routine and didn’t give the lady a second thought. About 20 minutes later, I noticed the car was still in the parking lot and I hadn’t seen the lady again. A couple of minutes later, she bolted from the bathroom and was talking on her cell phone. She sped away just as quickly as she pulled in. A little time goes by and I hear this retching and gagging noise followed a door slamming. Another woman comes running to the counter to tell me the bad news. “Ma’am, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but there’s a disaster in the bathroom and it’s bad.” The poor lady was holding back the vomit. As I walk to the bathroom, I notice something… There is a steady drip of something in front of the store on the sidewalk. The drips go into the store, on the rug at the door and lead to the bathroom. I immediately prepare myself for the worst situation imaginable.
The smell hits me before I get to the door and I’m already holding back the taste of vomit. I push the door open with my foot and to my dismay, I find that the restroom has been redecorated. The, once white, bathroom has been repainted a dark brown. The restroom was a single toilet bathroom with no stalls only a toilet, trash can, feminine bin, changing station, handicap rails, toilet paper roll dispenser, soap dispenser, sink, mirror and hand dryer. The mirror across the bathroom was coated in brown, shitty grease. The floor-covered in both liquid and semi-liquid shit. The soap and toilet paper dispensers covered in mud. The handicap rails had handprints on them. The baby changing station across the bathroom had shit on it. The trash can has clumps of shit on the sides and lid and was filled with shitty toilet paper. Best surprises were to come. The lady took off her underwear and threw them behind the trash can and clogged the toilet. The manager agreed to let me have a paid day off of I cleaned the bathroom. I hooked up a hose, closed the doors, and sprayed the bathroom with a water hose and let it drain down a hole in the floor. It took me FIVE hours of cleaning with products from inside the store and a water hose to clean this bathroom. I used $50 worth of cleaning chemicals off of the shelf in addition to the chemicals we already had. To the lady that repainted the bathroom at Food Fast #90, thank you for motivating an 18 year old kid to go to college. Oh and FUCK YOU.
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Response to If "Heterophobia" Were Real:
The entire episode was a flop.
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I wonder how creepy he’d find this…
Response to Kanye West Took My Teeth Out:
This is exactly why I didn’t want to be knocked out when I had my teeth pulled.
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Response to Should You Get A White Ink Tattoo?:
Horrible article! I wonder if Shannon Larratt knows he was plastered all over this article.