“How did he just fit all of that into his mouth?”
“I’m pretty sure he just accidentally ate his other earring.”
“Why does his hair look like you can just snap it off?”
“What is this hell-beast?”
“His hair looks like shaved ice.”
“He just drank that entire bottle of sauce.”
“I have no idea who this man is.”
“I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.”
“I am so scared.”
“My hat is red.”
“I can’t tell if his goatee is dyed that way, or if he just has some day-old mustard in there.”
“If I keep smiling, he won’t hurt me.”
Your laughter can’t hide your fear, friend.
“Why does he always look like he’s whistling while he eats?”
“I think he just ate part of my fork.”
“Maybe if I pretend to sleep he’ll get tired and go away.”
“Even my fedora can’t save me now.”
- Hillary Clinton made her debut with VP pick Tim Kaine, who dipped into Spanish and spoke on support for immigration reform and gun control.
- The gunman who killed at least 10 people at a Munich, Germany mall on Friday was an 18-year-old "obsessed" with mass shootings, police said.
- ISIS has claimed responsibility for a bombing that killed at least 80 people in Afghanistan Saturday.