“How did he just fit all of that into his mouth?”
“I’m pretty sure he just accidentally ate his other earring.”
“Why does his hair look like you can just snap it off?”
“What is this hell-beast?”
“His hair looks like shaved ice.”
“He just drank that entire bottle of sauce.”
“I have no idea who this man is.”
“I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.”
“I am so scared.”
“My hat is red.”
“I can’t tell if his goatee is dyed that way, or if he just has some day-old mustard in there.”
“If I keep smiling, he won’t hurt me.”
Your laughter can’t hide your fear, friend.
“Why does he always look like he’s whistling while he eats?”
“I think he just ate part of my fork.”
“Maybe if I pretend to sleep he’ll get tired and go away.”
“Even my fedora can’t save me now.”
- An airplane carrying Republican VP candidate Mike Pence skidded off the runway at New York City's LaGuardia airport. No one was injured.
- A federal jury cleared the leaders of an Oregon standoff. The militia group took over a wildlife refuge last January.
- A Trump official says the campaign has "three major voter suppression operations underway."
- RIP — Vine says it's discontinuing its mobile app, effectively ending the 6-second video service 💀