Transcript via FilmDrunk:
Middle Earth. It's a land that's great to visit but you have to know how to get out. One you've broken the barrier and crossed the line to Hobbit land. Little hobbits with the pointed ears, not very big, wide underwear but very short, because their legs aren't long. I don't know what their male or female apparatuses are like, but you know it's gotta be working in some way because little hobbits, comin from birth (?). Imagine havin a team of hobbits come with you to clean cockroaches out of a house. They'd be gone in thirty minutes. Those hobbits like to use cockroaches for games. They like to make necklaces out of them. They like to put hairpieces made of out cockroaches – dead – on their head, that way they feel like they're giving to nature.
Hobbits are special. They can see and hear things we can't here. Because Middle Earth has a different kind of SPZZZZT spiritual and physical and emotional energy going through it. So the hobbits got one up on us on that. Dog gone hobbits, they're so cute! Can't tell the boys from the girls, which must make it exciting for them. You know, just finding out what that apparitus (?) says. Girl or boy. And they travel in packs of four. Because you never know what a hobbit's going to do, and you know he isn't going to do it by himself. So he's got three guys to help him. That's why they always get things done quickly and effeciently and to a T. They make a point without making it. Because that's what a hobbit does. If you people out there have had past life regressions and feel like you might have been a hobbit, let me know it! And we'll speak about hobbitism.
Words to live by.