Buzz·Posted on Jan 23, 201528 Essential Things You'll Never Be Able To Buy From SkyMall AgainOr, "28 Things You'll Never Not Buy From SkyMall Again."by Dave StoperaBuzzFeed StaffFacebookPinterestTwitterMailLink Earlier today SkyMall filed for bankruptcy, setting forth events that surely signal the end of the world is near/denying us the only good and worthwhile thing to read on a plane. Now you'll never be able to buy... 1. This UpRight Sleeper that definitely won’t kill you: Via acidcow.com 2. A portrait of your pet as 17th-century nobility: View this photo on Instagram instagram.com 3. A machine that makes you grow hair and doesn't make you look like an insane person: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 4. A life-size hanging jungle monkey statue: View this photo on Instagram instagram.com 5. A watch that tells you when you're going to die: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 6. A Micro Kickboard Luggage Scooter that definitely won't get your ass beat: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 7. Literally, a giant fake rock: Via cavemancircus.com 8. A personal massager that definitely isn’t a dildo: Via dingtwist.com 9. A motorized unicycle: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 10. Roswell, the Alien Butler: Via skymall.com 11. A solar-powered cooling hat that definitely won't get your ass beat: Via sun-mate.com 12. Sling Couture: Via skymall.com 13. An "I GIVE UP" pillow: Via skymall.com 14. A pierogi ornament: Via skymall.com 15. A clock whose only function is to let you know what day of the week it is: = / Via skymall.com 16. A wrist cell phone carrier: Via skymall.com 17. An in-home foot tanner: Via skymall.com 18. The legendary SkyRest: Via pinterest.com 19. Some formal attire: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 20. SHARKBOAT: SkyMall 21. Shoes with sperm on them: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 22. Something that apparently suffocates children: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 23. The only shirt Bobs are allowed to wear: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 24. A Star of David to put onto a Christmas tree: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 25. Fernando the Chihuahua Skymall 26. A glass that holds a full bottle of wine: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 27. A fake paper cup: Via skymall.com 28. A wineglass-holder necklace that, again, totally won't get your ass beat: Via skymall.com And Alfred Lloyd's new album: Via cdbaby.com Poor Alfred.