Earlier today SkyMall filed for bankruptcy, setting forth events that surely signal the end of the world is near/denying us the only good and worthwhile thing to read on a plane. Now you'll never be able to buy... 1. This UpRight Sleeper that definitely won’t kill you: Via acidcow.com 2. A portrait of your pet as 17th-century nobility: View this photo on Instagram instagram.com 3. A machine that makes you grow hair and doesn't make you look like an insane person: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 4. A life-size hanging jungle monkey statue: View this photo on Instagram instagram.com 5. A watch that tells you when you're going to die: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 6. A Micro Kickboard Luggage Scooter that definitely won't get your ass beat: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 7. Literally, a giant fake rock: Via cavemancircus.com 8. A personal massager that definitely isn’t a dildo: Via dingtwist.com 9. A motorized unicycle: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 10. Roswell, the Alien Butler: Via skymall.com 11. A solar-powered cooling hat that definitely won't get your ass beat: Via sun-mate.com 12. Sling Couture: Via skymall.com 13. An "I GIVE UP" pillow: Via skymall.com 14. A pierogi ornament: Via skymall.com 15. A clock whose only function is to let you know what day of the week it is: = / Via skymall.com 16. A wrist cell phone carrier: Via skymall.com 17. An in-home foot tanner: Via skymall.com 18. The legendary SkyRest: Via pinterest.com 19. Some formal attire: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 20. SHARKBOAT: SkyMall 21. Shoes with sperm on them: SkyMall / Via reddit.com 22. Something that apparently suffocates children: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 23. The only shirt Bobs are allowed to wear: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 24. A Star of David to put onto a Christmas tree: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 25. Fernando the Chihuahua Skymall 26. A glass that holds a full bottle of wine: View this photo on Instagram Via instagram.com 27. A fake paper cup: Via skymall.com 28. A wineglass-holder necklace that, again, totally won't get your ass beat: Via skymall.com And Alfred Lloyd's new album: Via cdbaby.com Poor Alfred.