I didn't start dating a nice Jewish boy/girl this year.I didn't start dating anyone.Except for that one shiksa my family can't know about.Every time Bubbe mentioned that she'd like to see a wedding soon, I rolled my eyes.I lied to my Bubbe about joining J-Date.I didn't go on a date with Bubbe's friend from shul's nice Jewish granddaughter even though Bubbe says she's adorable AND in graduate school.I didn't have a baby.I wasn't quoted in the local newspaper.The New York Times described my current profession as "dying" or "obsolete."I still didn't apply to law school.I said I was definitely going to, and then I didn't even take the LSATs.I didn't apply to med school, either.I didn't figure out what I'm doing with my life.I didn't go to shul on Shabbat.I wasn't more like Bubbe's best friend's grandchild in New York, who always calls his Bubbe, has a good job, and married a nice Jewish doctor.I ate bread on Passover.Lots of it, actually.I ate bacon.I ate bacon while wearing a T-shirt proclaiming my love of bacon.I'm thinking about getting a bacon tattoo.I broke just about every rule of kosher, including some that probably haven't been invented yet.I couldn't cook a kugel if I tried.I ordered pastrami on white bread.With French's mustard, too.I put on weight this year. (Again.)I didn't call my uncle, even though he lives in the same city and Bubbe says he's a real mensch if I ever got to know him.I skipped my cousin's bar mitzvah to go drink somewhere else.I forgot to call my Bubbe on her birthday.I didn't make my annual pilgrimage to Boca.I plan on skipping Yom Kippur for a college football game.I plan on skipping Yom Kippur for the Major League Baseball playoffs.I'm not going home for Rosh Hashanah.I'm not even going to shul for Rosh Hashanah.The only reason I know Rosh Hashanah is happening is because of this quiz.
How Badly Did You Disappoint Your Bubbe This Year?
You did OK this year, but your Bubbe is still pretty disappointed in you. Maybe you should call her.
Your Bubbe is incredibly disappointed in you. You used to be so promising! What happened? You should call your Bubbe right away.
Your Bubbe literally can't believe what you've with your life. (And after all she's done for you!) Call her right now and apologize.