Skip To Content

    Women Are Sharing The Telling Signs That Someone Isn't A "Girl's Girl," And I Never Considered Some Of These

    "As an adult now, it's a trait I really value in my friends. If your friend doesn't do this, then they don't have your back at all."

    If you don't know, a "girl's girl" is a term (loved especially by Gen Z'ers these days) used to describe a girl or woman who supports and looks out for other women without shame or embarrassment — and who doesn't belittle other women for the sake of male validation or attention. Recently, women of the BuzzFeed Community shared the red flags that signal someone isn't a girl's girl, and some of these never crossed my mind. So, here are some signs that someone isn't a girl's girl:

    1. "Women who say, 'I just get along better with guys.' That puts down all women and basically half of the population. It screams, 'I always have to be the center of attention.' I cannot stand that anti-feminist, sexist bullshit."

    A group of friends sharing a joyful moment while posing for a photo at an indoor gathering

    2. "When they don't respect your privacy or trust. I once had a friend who'd tell my secrets to her other friend group. I once told her about a crush I had, and then, suddenly, everyone in her other friend group knew about it. Be careful with who you're vulnerable with."

    —Eden, 19, United States

    3. "Being flirty with a guy who's in a relationship and excusing it because you aren't friends with his partner. That's very telling to me."

    Group of people socializing at an indoor event, one focused pair in conversation

    4. "Women who try to deflect criticism about hurtful/harmful behavior by mentioning how 'women should be supporting other women.' That's not what women supporting women means, but it's good to know that you feel entitled to treat people however you feel."


    5. "I've had this issue so many times before. I can tell someone isn't a girl's girl if they always discount my successes. I had a friend once who would see my higher grades and blame it on the fact that I 'don't do anything' when I get home, as opposed to her who works. When we went to lunch or would get coffee, she'd look down at my food and say that she couldn't believe how much salt or sugar I was eating, saying that she could 'never eat as much as I do.' Oh, and when I showed her my engagement pictures, she zoomed in on my face and said she could tell the photographer did touch-ups on me. And when I asked her to be my Maid of Honor? She threw the gift I gave her in the backseat of her car and kept it there for two weeks — all crumpled up. I wish I were joking. She's now someone I have no communication with."

    Two people are sitting on a sofa engaged in a conversation in a home setting

    6. "I'm chronically ill, and one time, I was crying to my 'bestie' about my daughter's father because he'd insulted me and wasn't supporting or helping me raise my girl. She hugged me and comforted me as I cried on her shoulder — only for her to have sex with my daughter's father that same night. Now, the two of them are having a kid together, even after I'd told her all the ways he was uninterested in raising our child. That is DEFINITELY not a girl's girl."


    7. "Anyone who pits themselves against the mother of their partner's children. When kids are involved, you need to support your partner in maintaining a cordial and respectful relationship with their ex, not stirring up drama at every opportunity."

    Child gives a cheek kiss to a smiling adult seated at a dining table, expressing affection

    8. "If they ghost you or someone else without any remorse, regret, or explanation. And when I say 'ghost,' I don't mean that they leave your message on read and later act like nothing happened (that can also be a sign), but that they just go radio silent on you. I've had this happen to me three or four times. Having that happen to me has damaged my self-esteem and my self-worth and has had me questioning my friendships and who actually cares about me. Though I won't have closure, I'm slowly getting over it. Lesson to take away: Don't ghost someone; use your words and communicate."

    —Anonymous, 17 

    9. "If a woman calls herself a feminist, but her feminism isn't intersectional and is more like 'white feminism,' then she's not a girl's girl."

    Three women sitting in a panel discussion, one holding a microphone

    10. "If a woman doesn't have your back when you're not present and are being disrespected by others. When I was in high school, there was a girl I was in choir with. She was more of a friend of a friend, but we always got along well. She was the only person who was willing to tell me that my 'best friend' was talking shit about me when I wasn't around. It took me a couple of years to address it because I was a youngster terrified of confrontation, but even so, I appreciated my choir friend for telling me. As an adult now, it's a trait I really value in my friends. If your friend doesn't have your back when you're not around, then they don't have your back at all."


    11. "Girls who say you don't need makeup, or question and critique your skincare routine, fashion choices, and more for no reason are not girl's girls."

    Person applying lotion from a tube to their hand, reflection visible in mirror

    12. "When a woman refuses women's right to choose. The tactics taken to stop other women's access to safe abortions slowly chip away at all female body autonomy and access to necessary medical care. Why women would force something on another woman and her body is beyond me."


    13. "I've always felt cautious around women who demand unwavering loyalty. There are nuances in most social disputes, but I feel uncomfortable with girlfriends who expect me to be on their side 100%, no questions asked. For instance, I hung out in a large (and fun!) friend group when I was younger. Occasionally, a pair would sleep together, but it wouldn't end well. One girlfriend would insist that the other girls and I take her side, not the man's, because of 'girl code.' No matter what our personal friendship was with the guy, she demanded our loyalty and claimed it was anti-feminist otherwise. Slowly, over time, I learned that she'd demanded loyalty because she didn't want us to discover how mean she'd been with our guy friend. After learning this, I noticed that other women who demanded such loyalty in friend fights and breakups were usually hiding something. Now that I'm older, I try to avoid getting close to women like that."

    Group of diverse people in a circle with their arms around each other in a supportive gesture

    14. "Publicly defending their (in this case, male) partner's violent threats toward others."


    15. "When a girl dates your exes. I had a friend I used to confide in about almost everything — especially my ex. Though the relationship was short-lived, I would go to her to vent, rant, and even cry about my insecurities in said relationship, and she would comfort me. A few years later, she asked me if it was okay to date my ex. It seemed weird, but I went along with it since I was in another relationship then. What I didn't expect, though, was for her to ask me for advice on how to date my ex! I understand people change over time, but she came to me about the exact same issues I'd told her about in the past. Like, if you saw I was hurt, unsatisfied, and lonely while dating that dude, why would you want that for yourself?!"

    A couple in a strained moment, not engaging with one another, reflecting a mood of tension

    16. "Women who criticize another woman's appearance after she received tons of compliments. Like, why are you trying to debate whether a woman looks good or not? If someone tells you they love the color green, you don't try to change their mind or critique them. It just comes off as jealousy."


    17. "This took me a while to notice, but I used to be friends with a girl who ALWAYS needed to get a group picture whenever we were out. It was very performative, and she would always only post photos where she looked fantastic and the other women were caught off guard or didn't look their best. That behavior shows me you don't care about other women as long as you get the validation you need."

    Four women in casual attire are smiling and taking a selfie indoors

    18. "Women who say, 'This is why I'm only friends with guys.' I hate that shit."


    19. "I had a 'friend' in high school who'd immediately try to get with ANY guy I showed interest in or who showed interest in me. She would sleep with them immediately and then toss them aside. She tried this once with my now husband, and he was the only guy who didn't give in to her. I don't know why I stayed friends with her for so long."

    Two individuals embracing and showing affection on a bed

    20. "It may sound silly, but a friend who never likes your posts, stories, or comments on your social media accounts doesn't give me girl's girl energy. In some ways, I feel like it's a shady and passive-aggressive way to be unsupportive. This isn't the case if someone isn't active on social media, but if you know your friend is constantly on their phone, it feels a little fake."


    21. Lastly: "Anyone who supports and upholds the patriarchy is not a girl's girl."

    A group of individuals at a rally, one holding a sign with “GRL PWR” written on it, embodying empowerment

    I want nothing more than for all the girlies out there to find healthy and happy friendships with other girls because there's nothing quite like them! At its core, being a girl's girl is about standing up for and looking out for other women, and that's the magic of it all. So, what do you think are signs that someone isn't a girl's girl? Let me know in the comments, or you can anonymously submit using this form!