Greetings, straight men.
This might be hard to hear, but sometimes your demographic has the habit of taking a "technique" they see in porn and applying it to their own sex life.
They fail to realize that just because this move was met by exaggerated moans in one porno doesn't mean all women are dying to experience it in real life.
So when Reddit user ProbablyRagiing asked women to share things guys copy from porn that they dislike, I felt it was necessary to air these grievances for the common good. Here are some of the most popular responses:
1. "When they go from ass to vag. Good way to get an infection. Once you go butthole, you don’t go back."
2. "Don't expect porn noises from us. Some girls are loud, some aren't. If all sexual interactions sounded like porn, then it would be much worse living next to your elderly neighbors."
3. "Stop jackhammering into us right off the bat. Warm up to it and get us WET. No, spitting on the pussy doesn't count."
4. "Rubbing the clit like a fucking stain on a shirt. Circular motions, please."
5. "Going faster when you tell them something feels good/you’re gonna cum. Pro tip: Don’t change a goddamn thing. Keep up the same pace."
6. "Slapping the vagina like a used-car salesman trying to sell a 1999 Corolla."
7. "Don't grab the titty so fucking hard, bro!"
8. "Don't eat a girl out by immediately spreading her lips, trying to lift up her clitoral hood, and then just stabbing her clit with the tip of your tongue...Unless you know BEFOREHAND that she's into that."
9. "That we just instantly get in the mood. You walk into the room and think I’ll just immediately want you. No. I’m still thinking about that embarrassing thing I did last week. I need more than three minutes to get into it!"
10. "I absolutely do not want you to put your dick in my mouth after anal."
11. "Spanking! Every dude I have ever hooked up with does it on my upper thighs instead of my asscheeks. There’s. A. Method. You gotta cup as you’re going in for the smack my dudes. And for bonus points, gently rubbing the area after you smack it helps. Good Lord. I’m not trying to not be able to sit for weeks."
12. "Thinking that we orgasm from two minutes of penetration alone."
13. "Him saying, 'OH YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT???' as he completely misses my clit."
14. "STOP being silent! Please moan; that shit's hot as hell."
15. "Titty fucking. The logistics are just way too difficult."
16. "Saying how you’re going to 'destroy, pop that cherry, make walking hard for days, make me sore.' Don’t offer to chafe my flesh, man. This isn't a boxing match against my vagina, so stop trying to intimidate your opponent."
17. "Spreading our butt cheeks apart while doing doggie or reverse cowgirl... Do you want me to fart, bro?"
18. "Foreplay. It’s literally fucking crucial if you want the girl to get anything out of it at all. Sure, sometimes penetration is good, but it shouldn’t be the standard for sex."
19. "It doesn't have to be all serious. Sometimes your bodies will make a weird fart noise. Or you'll screw up your dirty talk, or your cat will jump up and fall asleep on your feet (true story). It's best to be able to laugh about it and then keep rolling rather than get mortified."
20. "Expecting the woman to shoot forth a geyser of fluid. If something happens, it's a trickle, not Old Faithful."
21. "Aggressively finger-banging in and out. Like, fucking owwww."
22. "Pulling my thong up by the waistband. Wedgies are not comfortable or sexy."
23. "Thinking all women love to deep throat without coming up for air."
24. "THREESOMES. I’m bisexual, and literally every guy I’ve been with has asked for one."
25. "I'm so annoyed by men's obsession with dick sizes. Believe it or not, I don't fantasize about a 13-inch monster dick poking my cervix. If you're large, cool. If you're average or less than, also cool. I don't really give a shit about the length, just about what you do with what you got."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.