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    Apr 21, 2020

    35 Thoughts I Had While Watching "Matilda" For The First Time In 10 Years

    All the theme parks are closed, so I made you this roller coaster.

    1. There's truly nothing cozier than the TriStar logo.

    TriStar

    2. This is how he's holding his newborn baby outside the hospital and nobody blinks an eye? Alrighty!

    TriStar

    3. Yup, Matilda making pancakes while "Send Me on My Way" by Rusted Root plays in the background is still the most satisfying scene in movie history.

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    4. WTF, this children's library is sick. Also, is there such a thing as a "children's library" in real life? I know there are children's book sections, but I definitely don't remember going to a kids-only library.

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    5. The fact that the mom drinks Bud Light with a straw should be added to the million reasons why these parents don't deserve custody of their children.

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    6. A) Oh my god I can't believe this line was allowed into a kids movie. B) This has major Frank Reynolds–from–It's Always Sunny energy.

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    7. Oh hey, Pee-wee Herman plays one of the FBI agents! Hi, Pee-wee Herman!

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    8. Honestly, Matilda, maybe you should consider yourself lucky that your parents are trying to force you to watch TV instead of read. I would have been THRILLED as a child.

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    9. I changed my mind — someone please call the police on this man!

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    10. Oh, here's Miss Trunchbull's introduction! We're off to a great start.

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    11. I think Miss Trunchbull's leather gloves are the scariest part about her.

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    12. Nope, never mind, it's her face.

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    13. Aaaaaaand more child abuse.

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    14. Girl, stop looking like you had fun! She's gonna kill you!

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    15. I know Miss Honey's whole shtick is that she's lovely and kind, but honestly, how wonderful is she if she hasn't reported Miss Trunchbull to the police?! Frankly, I'd go so far as to say that she enables child abuse.

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    16. Matilda making us all look bad by answering what 13 x 379 is without using a calculator. Teacher's pet, much?

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    17. FYI, Miss Honey: This dartboard in Miss Trunchbull's office that's covered with photos of children would be a great piece of evidence to submit to the police!

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    18. Mrs. Wormwood could use a lesson or two in feminism.

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    19. OMG, it's Bruce Bogtrotter! Legend! Icon! King!

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    20. I don't care how much of Cookie's sweat, blood, tears, and snot went into this cake. It looks fucking delicious.

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    21. Welp, more child abuse. Is anyone recording this?! She just broke glass on his head, for Christ's sake.

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    22. Crime must be nonexistent in this town if these FBI agents are staking out a shitty car salesman's house 24/7. Ah, the '90s. Simpler times.

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    23. Do they even sell nails that big?!

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    24. I'm seeing some similarities between my two favorite '90s movies!

    TriStar / Disney

    25. Why does Miss Honey have no backbone? Like, alrighty, you're just gonna let a 6-year-old convince you to trespass.

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    26. OK, the Trunchbull's got some cake, tho, we can't deny that.

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    Can someone come check on me in a few days? I think quarantine is getting to me.

    27. These chocolates look soooo good. I don't really blame Miss Trunchbull for not wanting to share.

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    28. Miss Trunchbull was like 15 years ahead of the fashion curve with that high-waisted belt.

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    29. Rage-eating chocolate cake in the midst of your home being invaded? A mood, tbh.

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    30. Miss Trunchbull's house was definitely inspiration for the "Damn, bitch, you live like this?" meme.

    TriStar / @eboni._ / Instagram

    31. Another absolutely iconic music scene.

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    32. If Matilda can make other people fly, can she make herself fly? Much to ponder.

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    33. Yesss, Bruce Bogtrotter's sweet, sweet revenge.

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    34. LOL at Matilda's burn re: the adoption papers in her backpack.

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    35. Aaaand they end the movie perfectly, with another montage to "Send Me on My Way," cuz...why the hell not?!

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    Thank you to our king, Danny DeVito, for this absolute masterpiece.

    Paramount

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