1."My three-year-old nephew announced to the family that his weenie is huge."
2."I was at the supermarket with my four-year-old and there was a little person near us and my kid said, 'Mom that little man doesn't eat his vegetables.'"
3."My co-worker and her four-year-old were grocery shopping,
and out of nowhere the child ran up to her, hugged her from behind, stuck her face in her butt, and yelled out, 'FART ON ME MOMMY!!' My co-worker was mortified that it looked like she regularly farted on her children."
4."My mom once traveled six hours by train with my four-year-old cousin, and during most of the trip she ran back and forth in the cabin while yelling 'clitoris' non-stop. Apparently, she overheard the word once in a bookshop."
5."My granddaughter had a hard time saying some words when she was about three. I tried real hard not to say 'thank you' while we were out because her response was 'you're fuckem' instead of 'you're welcome!'"
6."Our daughter had been calling her vagina her 'nyna' and pointing to it. She was 18-months-old and we were in Salt Lake City at the Temple Square in the Tabernacle Choir building, which is very echoey and full of Mormon missionaries. She started loudly saying 'Nyna! Nyna!' and pointing to her vagina and it echoed. We left quickly!"
7."I was in a public bathroom with my mom when I was little and had mixed up the words vagina and butt so I screamed, ‘Mom why is your butt so hairy?!’"
8."When I was little my mom took me to Sears where I yelled, 'Look mom their fridge has maggots just like ours!' My mom was so embarrassed and quickly replied back 'Magnets! MagNETs!!!'”
9."At my father's funeral visitation, my then three-year-old came into the room with the open casket, looked at my dad in the casket and loudly announced, 'Yup! He’s dead!' And then ran out of the room.
10."During classroom pick-up: 'Mom! You wore your wig today. Is it on tight?'"
11."We were at Target and my then Thomas the Train-obsessed two-year-old kept saying 'I love Percy,' but instead of pronouncing it correctly, he was saying 'I love pussy.'"
12."While at a diner with my two-year-old and husband, I got up to wash my hands and my kid announced to the other tables, 'She's pooping.'"
13."When my ex was a kid, his hair stylist asked him if he had any pets and he proudly announced to the whole store, 'A dog, two cats, and a house FULL of fleas!' The cats were being treated for fleas at the time. His mom was mortified!"
14."My five-year-old son was playing with my phone on a car ride when my colleague from work texted me about my schedule. Unbeknownst to me, my son texted him back and said, 'She's driving, idiot.'"
15."Once at Thanksgiving dinner, we were all going around saying what we were thankful for. There were about 35 of us and my uncle had just finished a very moving story that had us all in tears. My two-year-old cousin then LOUDLY told everyone he was thankful for his penis. We were done after that..."
16."When my son was five, we were in line at McDonald's and out of nowhere he yelled out, 'Fuck the police!' I turned around to see a police officer behind us go red in the face, laugh, and say 'cute.' I was mortified."
17."My daughter walked up to an amputee, made a face, and said, 'Where's your leg?'"
18."I was teaching a summer class for kids and our school district rep was in my classroom for observations. As I was speaking with her, a student yelled out 'Ms. Kristy has a big ole boooty.' I could have literally died in that moment."
And...
19."'Mommy, remember when you pooped on the floor?!' Truth be told, it did happen a couple weeks prior because I was really sick. But our next-door neighbors didn't need to hear that from my four-year-old, especially without the explanation!"
Some submissions have been edited for length and clarity.
