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14 Moments In The Life Of An Awkward Catholic.

For those times when even the Holy Virgin literally cannot with you.

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1. Going to Confession.

What one is supposed to do: Make a full and complete confession.

What I actually do: Mumble incoherently for 10 minutes, then sprint out.

2. The silence while the priest considers your penance.

He has heard it all and yet somehow still finds you personally revolting.

3. Getting lost in the middle of the homily.

No idea how we got from - "A letter from St. Paul to the Galatians." - to an impassioned plea about illegal immigration but I am just gonna go with it.

4. Going for the Holy Water ... and missing it.

Nope. Not double dipping. I guess I didn't need that extra blessing.

5. Dropping the Communion wafer.

This is the worst. You just dropped the actual flesh of our Lord and Saviour. NOTHING is worse than this, except for ...

6. Dropping the Communion chalice.

The blood.

Of Christ.

Is all over the floor.

If this happens, it is over for you. You have to move to another parish.

7. Getting into the communion line properly.

Welp, just messed up my whole row ...

8. Literally everything about the sign of peace.

WHY MUST WE DO THIS?

9. But especially trying to hug an antisocial person during the sign of peace.

Oh, nope. Just made this awkward for everyone. Literally everyone.

10. Forgetting the Responsorial Psalm.

Did anyone notice?

Yep. Yep they did.

11. Tripping over a genuflecting person after Mass.

Because nothing says "Go forth and may the Grace of God be with you," like spraining your ankle.

12. Getting the noisy kneeler.

13. Forgetting which pew you were in.

I don't know where I'm going.

And I don't know why.

14. Breaking rosaries.

Can't tell if praying hard or just accident prone.

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