1. Widex Hearing Aids.
Is there anything unsexier than hearing aids?
Apparently in New Zealand, people start losing their hearing younger? Because the Kiwi heavy metal bands play louder, longer shows that blow out their eardrums? I can't think of any other logical reason why one would include two hot naked women in your HEARING AID ads. From 2009.
2. Komerční Banka.
Well, banking is pretty damn not sexy.
Komerční Banka is a member of the Société Générale Group, and is one of the leading financial institutions in the Czech Republic.
Copy translation: "Enjoy the first banking transaction."
This looks and feels like an Adbusters parody.
But it isn't.
3. Stihl Trimmers.
Targeting that elusive pedophile market.
"Time to trim" indeed. Don't mind me, just out back of my place in the 17th arrondissement clearing some brush to get a clearer look at some bush.
French ad from 2009. Won some awards.
4. Douwe Egberts is a Dutch product. Instant coffee is overwhelmingly sexy.
5. Nescafe Instant Coffee
Again, instant fucking coffee.
"Great coffee" is not Nescafe, that's for damn sure.
2011 ad, via sexxxy Sweden.
6. Dr Tint's tinted windows. "Feel Like A Star." OK. 2010 ad via Montreal.
7. Microlab speakers (turn volume down, NSFW)
If you'd like to watch and listen to several Russian women faking orgasms, go right ahead. I think Microlabs stole this idea from Howard Stern, who used to have callers sit on their speakers while he "brought them to orgasm" with his deep voice.
8. Spontex Sponges.
In France, Spontex sponges are sold — and have been sold for many years — by showing a hedgehog engaged in sexual relations with one of their products.
This, unlike most everything else in this post, is fucking hilarious, and I approve.
One more ad image below.
10. Nila Mushrooms. Mushrooms are definitely one of the least sexy fungi.
11. Leroy Merlin Home Improvement
I don't foresee Lowe's or Home Depot going with this tactic anytime soon.
Leroy Merlin is a French home improvement retailer. These ads go—literally—right for the unhandy man's balls. Somewhere, Bob Vila is smirking.
I'm skeptical as to how effective this scare strategy will be, but at least it's a strategy.
12. The City of Belgrade.
Posters via the Serbian capital urging women to clean up after their pooches so that men can stare at their asses. Amazing.
13. Pot Noodle
2003 UK commercial for Pot Noodle, "The Slag of All Snacks."
Humorous, but the bouncing on the bed is a really forced sexual touch.
14. Method Floor Cleaner.
"...do the mommy-daddy dance right on the floor."
Method calls their mop the "O-Mop" — the O stands for orgasm (That's just a guess).
This 2007 ad was scanned from Parents magazine.
There is NOTHING unsexier than cleaning.
15. Heinz "Exotics" Soup.
Wait: forget hearing aids and cleaning floors.
There is NOTHING unsexier than canned soup.
And! Who holds a key party with only three couples (well actually looking at the number of keys in the key bowl, it's three fully bisexual couples)?
And who serves soup at a fucking key party?
2008 ad via Australia.
16. Layconsa Highlighters.
2010 ad via Peru.
I think this takes the copyranter prize for the most gratuitous use of tits to sell something. Ever.
Winner winner, chicken breast dinner.
17. DDB Canada (ad agency).
Despite what Mad Men would have you believe, ad agencies are very unsexy places (I spent 20 years of my life in them).
But, do you get the joke? Huh? *rib poke* (DD)(B)?